Miniature Golem Experiment 2.3 by Theodore Donald Kerabatsos

[Beernerd81]

Experiment Name: E-2.3

Hypothesized and performed by: Theodore Donald Kerabatsos

Objective: Having previously proven the effectiveness of the E-series miniature golems in personal defense, I shall attempt to demonstrate the added effectiveness of employing projectile weapons in their design.

Hypothesis: The addition of physical projectile weapons to the 2 series of miniature golems will provide more effective personal defense capabilities, thereby minimizing injuries and increasing golem response time to threats.

Materials: E-2.3 unit (standard 2-series base unit with upper extremities mounted alchemical-powder-propelled projectile launcher employing high-velocity metallic (Pb) projectiles,) Nine angry male badgers of similar build and ferocity, thirty cubic centimeters of male badger urine (badger attractant/irritant,) one human male

Control: Two E-2.2 units with standard weighted fists to be tested under identical conditions to the E-2.3 unit

Procedure: One E-2.2 unit shall be placed individually in a confined area along with my assistant Lawrence who, having been scented with ten cubic centimeters of male badger urine, is expected to elicit a hostile response from badgers. The effectiveness of defense shall be quantified by successful number of attacks by three badgers upon Lawrence's person as the E-2.2 attempts to fend them off. The control will then be repeated for consistency with the second E-2.2 unit, three more badgers, and ten cubic centimeters more of badger urine. Finally, Lawrence will be put in the same scenario with three more badgers, ten more cubic centimeters of urine, and the modified E-2.3 unit with projectiles added. Addendum - Lawrence has insisted on wearing chain mail protective garments during the experiment, despite my protestation and my warnings that it shall skew the results and subsequently the overall validity of the experiment. Unfortunately, a lack of volunteers has left me no choice but to agree.

Results:
- Control Session 1: During the first control session, the results went more or less as anticipated. The E-2.2 dispatched the first badger in precisely eighteen seconds, well before it was able to reach Lawrence while the second and third continued to pursue him. The second scratched him three times about the lower left leg and bit once near the left knee while the third scratched him on both lower legs a total of seven times and bit his right thigh two before the E-2.2 dispatched each respectively in a total of one sixty-seven seconds before all three badgers were neutralized.
- Control Session 2: During the second control session, the first badger was dispatched in sixteen seconds, also before it was able to reach Lawrence. The second managed to scratch his legs and ankles a total of four times bite him once in the ankle and once on the thigh. The third took a different approach to the attack and rose up on its hindquarters focusing on his lower torso and groin area, scratching him six times and biting him once in the groin.* The E-2.2 was able to dispatch all three within a total of fifty-eight seconds.

* Lawrence did not anticipate attacks higher than the thigh and neglected to wear his chainmail codpiece. The third badger in the second session was therefore able to remove a significant amount of tissue, likely causing a great deal of reproductive damage, but the specifics are presently irrelevant to this report. Unfortunately, he subsequently refused to continue the experiment, producing a great deal of wailing and screaming and whining before limping off to seek medical treatment. His use of unprofessional language was extensive. I shall therefore be required to stand in for the E-2.3 session myself.

- Experimental Session: The E-2.3 unit performed to expectations, for the most part, dispatching the first two badgers with a single shot to the cranium each within only five seconds total. While the unit was reloading its projectile cannons, the third badger was able to latch on to my right knee for approximately two seconds, at which point I twisted toward the E-2.3 to present a clear shot. The unit fired a direct shot to the badger's cranium from approximately five feet away, dispatching the final badger within a total of seventeen seconds. One unexpected result was the continuation of the leaden projectile through the skull of the badger and directly through my knee. Subsequently, it was deemed necessary by physicians to remove my lower right leg from just above the knee owing to the severe damage and advanced infection. The physicians suggested that had I sought medical attention rather than proceeding with further modifications (see report on E-2.4) They may have been able to save my leg, though further information on that subject is irrelevant to this report.

Conclusion: Though effective at a distance, leaden projectiles are hazardous to unintended targets at close range. Though the overall concept of projectile weapons seems to be a positive advancement in these experiments, perhaps less lethal and/or more specifically directed beam weapons may be more appropriate and less hazardous. Overall, the experiment was a success, but further testing will be required.