Of Sand and Salt

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Nevrus
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Of Sand and Salt

Post by Nevrus » Mon Sep 10, 2018 8:02 pm

Half the journal seems to be some teenage girl's, written in Alzhedo. The rest is written in Common in a different handwriting.

Property of Regand yn Whosalaknows el Sharakh yi Calimport

The hunger.

The hunger.

The hunger.

I still dream about it. Sometimes when I get drunk I can forget; sometimes when I'm having lots of fun, I can forget; but sometimes it makes me remember all the more vividly.

My earliest memories are of being so hungry I cried and screamed amidst a gaggle of other tykes doing the same, all of us stuffed together on thrown-out sleeping mats covering the floor of that abandoned adobe building. The 'matrons' of that 'orphanage,' barely teenagers themselves, could only feed us with platitudes: "We're sorry, there's no food today." When would there be food? "We don't know."

Somehow I made it to six, a third shorter than I should have been, always hungry. I started asking around for food myself. "No work, no food," they said. I asked for work. "You're too scrawny to be of use," they said. Of course I was scrawny! I ate one meal every two days! They never cared. I must have asked fifty men of business that tenday, and always got the same response. I started to come to terms with what had happened. I was disposable.

Taking care of people is inconvenient. I get that. But when you're hungry, the convenience of others doesn't really factor in. I finally found someone willing to take me on, and it was easy work. "I'm going to juggle, and you're going to take what's in those peoples' pockets. It's the ticket fee for the show." I only half-believed him even then, but it paid. I stopped being famished, but that hunger remained.

My education took about two years. Crawling into open windows at night because I could fit, to unlock the door and let him do his work. Picking the locks on the backs of eateries to feast like a king and not have to do dishes. Giving people tours from the harbors to very specific buildings of ill repute while not letting them know about that ill repute. I ate so well I ended up getting taller than all the other kids, the ones that were left at least; too many of them took 'no' for an answer and didn't make it through. I was sick of hearing that, though.

it was my first trip to Jewel Ward that finished my education. They had the centers of the streets raised up taller than I was, with stairs up and down. My teacher told me to try walking three blocks on the elevated walkways. I didn't make it one before some pompous bearded sadimmin tossed me off like I was litter. My teacher asked me what i had learned. "That street's not for me," I said. He laughed, and told me I hadn't gotten it.

So he walked up there, in his colorful clothes and killer grin, and walked down the street like he owned the place. That same sadimmin walked up and asked him what he was doing. Walking, he said. The guard reached for his scimitar, and the teacher assaulted him with platitudes and compliments about the upkeep of his gear and the grooming of his face. The sadimmin was a little dumbstruck, and my teacher took his hand to shake it, hugging him afterwards, a gold coin glittering in the soldier's hand after the exchange. That sword looked a little frustrated but seemed to have been placated.

My teacher handed me his coin purse when he came back, and told me the two lessons.

If you don't fit in anywhere, you can fit in everywhere.

A fool with a title is still a fool, and fools are fodder.

I never saw my teach again after that, but I had enough to get started on my own. I got tall enough to fake my age and managed to get a small place in some sleepy, forgotten drudach that had all of four stones to mark its borders. And from there I plied trade and ate well and got big and strong. Started getting into scraps, lost more than I won but it took more and more effort to get that win every time.

But still the hunger remained. No matter how much I ate, no matter how much I drank, it felt like there was something missing. It still feels that way. All I can do is try to not think about it while I look for what it is. I've felt a little more full since I've fallen in with Jimbo, though. I'm not sure, but I think he might be the second person I've ever met who actually gave a crap about me.

Maybe I'll nix my plans to dramatically break his three rules. He didn't demand my respect, other than the sand he throws in my eyes, but he did manage to earn it, the crazy bastard.
Ganus- Riding the Isle (Active)
Aura Bigstep - Got Out Ahead (Retired)
Egos Ironhide - Shelved
Consult a medical professional before believing anything Nevrus says.

Nevrus
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Re: Of Sand and Salt

Post by Nevrus » Tue Sep 11, 2018 6:51 am

What's the point?

I often ask that question to myself, and I never really find an answer.

For most, there is no answer. They live miserable lives until they die. Rotting in squalor while fatso nobles get fed grapes by slave women while getting carried around on palanquins. The point of fatso's life is to get fat; the point of the wretched masses is to get eaten, in one way or another. And since something that really has nothing to do with what you want or what you chose couldn't be given that all important title of 'meaning,' They're pointless filler in a world of people with points.

I was the same. I probably still am the same.

Those self-righteous paladins have a god hand them a point on a silver platter. All those priestly folk, too. Some lucky enough to study magic, some lucky enough to be born with it. They're all given a road to follow, but us fodder are supposed to be content to watch.

Musadhyar. Hapless, helpless idiots. In the city they bunched them up three thousand at a time and convinced them not to leave, because cattle are much easier in cages.

I, for one, hate being given lots in life. Being given roles, being given rules, being told my place. My place is wherever I feel like, even if I have to break in to be there.

Taking to sea was the best decision I ever made. Sure as hell beats running cons in that dusty slaughterhouse. I miss seeing the smiles of those would-be calephs, not knowing how much they've just lost in what they thought was a perfect deal. But that's a pleasure that can be found again.

Out here, your place is your boat, and your boat is wherever you want it to be, even if you have to fight the wind to get there. The lapping waves bring trouble but they also bring riches, and if it's ever too much you can just pull into port and drink for a night. Out here, there's more honesty. Nothing really matters except when two boats come head to head, the stronger force wins. No interference, no oversight. Even the hunters usually can't keep up with a wind-slicing sloop hellbent on getting somewhere that's not where they are.

What was the point of writing this?

Sencliff is fun. Everyone here's a monster. Am I a monster? If I'm not, should I be?

If I should, what would be the point?
Ganus- Riding the Isle (Active)
Aura Bigstep - Got Out Ahead (Retired)
Egos Ironhide - Shelved
Consult a medical professional before believing anything Nevrus says.

Nevrus
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Re: Of Sand and Salt

Post by Nevrus » Thu Sep 13, 2018 7:33 am

Kinship
ˈkinˌSHip
noun
Definition: Not feeling like screwing someone over.

How many crews did I rob on my way to Sencliffe? Had to be half a dozen. Usually involved turning when the wind went south and absconding with everything worth taking from the quartermaster's chest.

But this new crew? Some of them are pretty okay. Not like the bloodthirsty cut-throat idiots that couldn't make it anywhere else. These guys chose to be here. They're the real deal, even if they're all insane. I'm used to going it alone but everything always seems a bit more fun and a bit more productive with them around, instead of me being bored to tears with self-aggrandizement and petty revenge-swearings.

Captain Jimbo, the madman, made me feel right at home when I got here. Everything about him, from the way he talks to the way he throws sand in my eyes when I screw up, is utterly bizarre, but he's possessed of this salty charm that brings people to him. He's not a man of big ideas or grand ambitions, but he's a man that's crew-minded. He wants to bring salty bloods together to have a riotous time on the waves, and he gets it done. He doesn't quite have the presence or vision to really bring the isle together, to truly rule the seas, but maybe one day he will? He's an idiot, but he's no fool. He probably knows his limits and is unkeen to push past them. Puts him a leg up on me, because I've never had any idea where I fit into anything, other than what fun I could get out of it.

Gavvy's a ruthless bastard if I've ever met one. He always wants to make things just a little bit worse, and who knows what he misses out on by doing it? He's obviously been at this longer than I have, so he probably knows some things I don't, but he's a man who'd rather be feared than loved. I'd rather be begrudgingly obliged than feared myself, so we have a bit of a split on that. He's a whirlwind in a scrap, though, and when pointed in a direction to do something, it gets done real fast... Usually. Don't ever take his word that he can handle something, though. He's proven unreliable in that regard.

Dante's one to watch out for. He's got all of Gavvy's bloodthirst wrapped up in a slumbering cunning. He knows how to keep the sails billowed in more ways than one, but that gives him sway over where the wind takes you. He's also like me in that he seems to be mostly doing this because he enjoys it, but he's a bit more on the brutal side when given the opportunity. If anyone was fit to point this maritime circus in a cohesive direction it's him, but ability to do something and whether or not it's a good idea to do something are two different things. I never pay attention to the latter, so maybe I shouldn't worry too much about it.

Krotag's war. War itself. Carnage, destruction, routing. He's pretty amenable for an ogre, and takes a ton of food to keep going, but I've wrung gallons of other peoples' blood out of my coat one too many times to ever think about crossing him. That monster kills dragons, after all. But, having him on a boat means you're going to win, and that's something I'm forced to respect, even though I'm loath to respect anything if I can get away with it. He really wants to clamp people, and I'd really prefer he didn't, and I don't know why I care. I should ask someone, see if they know better than I do.

Tessa's a kindred spirit out there, even if half that spirit is apparently a parrot or something. I'd still cross some lines to get with her, even though from all appearances that's not necessary at all! She's out there for the fun of it, and mostly wants to see what she can get away with. Hesitant to hurt anyone too badly. I like having her voice on deck because she speaks what's on my mind without me having to get pinned down by it. And she's just plain attractive, which makes it a pretty complete package. What a woman.

Varrix seems to still be getting his bearings, just like me. He's got some things going on with dwarf-business and a nasty case of soul-debt but hell, he's nice to have around. The least crazy of us, if I had to estimate. I don't know what he'll look like when he gets strong, but I don't know what I'll look like when I do either. Let's hope he keeps that level head and doesn't start messing with my head for fun. Stupid magic.

Goggles shows me what I could become if I keep practicing. He's quick as lightning, has some semblance of principle even if it's a bit more on the 'scourge of the seas' side of... Do I have principles? I've never really thought about it. I just do what I feel like when I feel like it. I never really worried about what I didn't feel like. Should I? Screw it, not caring right now. He's frighteningly proficient and handy to have on deck, even if he's never about. I hope he sails with us again so I can copy learn from him.

Aqarev's pure evil, but he doesn't seem to want to hurt me. He commands archfiends as necessary to do what he wants to do, and then outfights them anyway. I've seen him single-handedly tear through an entire army of fishmen without stopping. He's by and far the most terrifyingly powerful being I have ever witnessed, and I should start noting people's combat capabilities as fractions of him. I'd give myself a solid 1/30th of an Aqarev, because of thirty of me tried to kill him, one might be left standing when he went down. Might. I think if I ever get on his level I'll have to pull something on him to make myself feel more adequate. Until then I'll watch the show he puts on with morbid fascination. He's like a quieter, but somehow more proficent, version of Krotag.

Then there's a few folk that rub me right the wrong way...
Gristle's nuts. I get the strong suspicion that I accidentally ate people because of his stupid gift shop pies. He's stupidly good at fighting, but also just plain stupid. Danger without any real meaning or goal, other than satisfying his own desires. I don't know him well enough to know if he's loyal but I do know him well enough to know that if he wanted to kill us all and eat us he probably could. Better to point him away and let him have at than have him causing trouble for us.

Vlatinaya or whatever her name is. She gave me legendary stuff for free and she has vision, enough to perhaps become a Pirate Queen in her own right, but she doesn't seem to be in this for the fun. In fact, she seemed to alternate between 'bored' and 'tutting schoolmarm' the entire time we were on a voyage. Is it because she's gotten too good at this? That's probably it. She got into it for the challenge, and now that she's overcome it there's nothing really there for her other than going through the motions and seeing what everyone else is up to. She's very big on a process to all of this that isn't well-communicated. I'm fine with sending a survivor back with corpses so they can all be angry they got one pulled over on them together, but she wants to make things harder than they need to be. She also told me I put my faith in the wrong gods, and she can have a duck's kids for thinking to judge anyone on 'morality' in a bloody pirate crew.

I'm going to throw a special mention of that guard lady that declared she never wanted to be on a boat with me; It was so much fun proving her right. Suck it, Cordor!

I guess this is what it's like to actually be a part of a real crew, and not just some muggers that share boat rental fees. That's something I think I've been missing since that nameless thief disappeared; being part of something. Since I was a kid it's been nothing but scraping to get by with something resembling comfort. Now I have enough that I could comfortably retire right now, but I'm having such a blast that why would I? If I did, how could I ever say I pulled a prank on the prince of evil Aqarev and lived to tell the tale?

I know I entreat Black Bess to observe my mischief because even when I'm alone I love an audience, but not being alone and already having that audience has been nice. Somehow I've managed to keep things from getting to an icky level of sadism. I prefer to laugh at the look of realizing you've just been had, that anger and confusion, to having to come face to face with looks of horror and desperation. I had enough of those when I was young to last a lifetime.

Will I last a lifetime among these omnipotent miscreants? And will this newfound realization of maybe caring about some things even though there's no benefit to it last? Hells if I know. I do know that if anyone gives me an answer to that question unprompted I'm like to do the opposite out of spite, because that's always worth a good laugh.
Ganus- Riding the Isle (Active)
Aura Bigstep - Got Out Ahead (Retired)
Egos Ironhide - Shelved
Consult a medical professional before believing anything Nevrus says.

Nevrus
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Re: Of Sand and Salt

Post by Nevrus » Tue Jul 16, 2019 3:45 am

It's been eight years. Have I changed?

I've certainly learned to fear death, knowing my fate. I've certainly learned the value of strength, and desire more to the point of self-destruction. I've certainly learned the truth of freedom: It isn't free, it must be constantly defended, and you can lose it through no fault of your own.

Sencliff hasn't changed. It's still united in a tenuous way, by people who want to proclaim their own independence but when the going gets tough, Sencliff sent them. I've started to think a few more steps ahead, now that I've seen the endgame if I don't change my play, and it's become apparent that many of those who call this place home have no greater plan than the right now. These pirates don't really have ideals; they don't really have goals. They either steal for its own sake, putting life and limb at risk for pocket change, or they follow those who steal for its own sake for a sense of belonging. It could be said they're slaves; slaves to their own baser nature, or slaves to emotional dependence.

But am I different?

I certainly wasn't. I only kept stealing for that sense of belonging, that sense of purpose. A place that would accept the cast-outs of the rest of the world. But the longer I ponder it, the more I ask: Was I cast out when they ran me out of town? Or did I choose to cast myself out, when I could have just been hush-hush about my past?

Taking doesn't give me the same pleasure anymore. It's no longer an end; it's a means to an end. My joy comes from being on the water, and this ink just gives me motivation to get out there and see things I wouldn't otherwise. But the sea's cruelty wears on me; my own weakness stands between me and standing alone out there. But it's only through effort and sacrifice I'll be able to dispel that weakness. I need money. I need experience. I need practice. I need all of it, to stop being the boy that prowled the sands looting, and become a man that... I don't know. I don't know where it's going.

But that's part of the fun, right?

Maybe when my own freedom is real, and not just a proclaimed fantasy kept from me by weakness, I'll be able to spread some around. Break through barriers of mistrust instead of security.

Right now, the sea calls, and I need to master it before I can master myself, and I need to master myself before I can master life.
Ganus- Riding the Isle (Active)
Aura Bigstep - Got Out Ahead (Retired)
Egos Ironhide - Shelved
Consult a medical professional before believing anything Nevrus says.

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