Born to Die

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TheOnlyGood
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:58 pm

Born to Die

Post by TheOnlyGood » Fri Sep 29, 2017 10:08 pm

I was born to die.
But how can it be that simple? Because I am meat.
Failure at multiple levels.
Male.

I crave her. As unworthy as I am.
I want her. As unworthy as I am.
I need her. As unworthy as I am.
But why?

Can anyone really tell us why we choose to lust after whom we do? When it makes you just want to throw away all sense and reason even if we are so destructive to each other.
Why does lust make us forget logic?
I care not for answers.

She orders me not to anger her. She orders me not to fail any more than I already have.
I don't mean to. I truly don't.
But.
I do.

We fight. She wins.
We hate. She wins.
We say things that we regret. At least, I do.
But that only makes the noose pull tighter.

Then, we laugh, we lust, and we get high. We forget about the vileness and lose ourselves in each other. The bliss—but only for a moment.
Never for longer than a moment.

Our Queen is always there. Watching. Listening. Whispering. The spiders would skulk and murmur in her ear.

But, never to me.
No, I am male.
Unworthy.

Even back then, she knew. She knew the fate I was born with.
And it would have to be by her hand for there is never any greater weakness. Favor to the one that can remove her own.

Or, maybe, we were both born to die?
At least, that was the story her eyes told me as my hands wrench the final ounces of life from her body.

My death would have to wait.

inspiration!

TheOnlyGood
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:58 pm

Secrets

Post by TheOnlyGood » Tue Oct 03, 2017 7:19 pm

Whispers.
Every corner I see them.
Crawling.
Creeping.
Holding my innermost thoughts. What do they say about me? What do they tell my new Matron?

Do they speak of my devotion to her? Or do they speak of former transgressions? How far must I go to get away?

The deeper I fall into this house, the less I feel like there is an escape. When will they turn on me? Will I ever know? Or will it just be the cold of darksteel and the warmth of blood as all I feel?
Tell me,
Dear spider,
What do you tell them about me?
One at a time, I will consume them and my secrets will be mine once again.

TheOnlyGood
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:58 pm

Failure

Post by TheOnlyGood » Wed Oct 04, 2017 7:12 pm

Failure.

I couldn’t look her in the eye.
I sat where I always sat. Front and centre. Back to the door. Any would-be assassin would strike me first.
My gaze held low.
There were no answers. But I kept trying to find them at the bottom of the bottle.
There wasn't much in this world that I could say I loved, but I always chose to heavily indulge in what I do. Maybe alcohol would need to be added to that list.

She’s just like a demoness.
Perfectly crafted by our Queen to lead us to greatness.
At least, that is what the whispers of the spiders tell me. And who am I to question Her word?

Her skin makes me cry.
Metaphorically.
I see the blemish from the blade on Lolth’s perfect creature and it reminds me of failure. Her best retainers wouldn’t allow it. Even, of all things, that darthiir would have able to stop it.

I want you to notice.
But would she? With so many great warriors better at things than myself?
A weaker male would run. Avoid whatever punishment is coming his way.
Not I.
I will take what I am given and return it tenfold to the enemies of the house.

I want a perfect soul.
And the only path for that is through the Abyss.
My soul will be in her hands now.
I wish I was special.
Inspiration!

TheOnlyGood
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:58 pm

Re: Born to Die

Post by TheOnlyGood » Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:30 pm

You know how you look back on a situation and wonder, ‘How’d I get here?’ Well, there is often a very simple answer that is connected by a series of little choices. Each of those little decisions seemed so insignificant at the time, but before too long, you’re so far down the hole that you wonder if the light you see behind you is hope, or simply the illusion of escape.

In my case, it was neither.

My path was into the darkness.
Away from what I knew.
Away from what was easy.
Away from hope.
And away from escape.


I know people could see it in my eyes.
Pain.
Physical pain.

It was the kind of pain where you feel pity for the person without even knowing them. The kind of pain where if you at all resemble a truly moral being, you want to help the person even if you can never truly understand—not that you’d ever want to understand.

But in this society, no one truly does want to help. Your suffering is one less person they have to cut down to get ahead.

You have to take what you need. You have to take what you want. You have to know that there is only one person who is truly looking to help you.

Yourself.

And when you have to get something from someone else, you have to give up as much as you get. My soul was a minor price to pay for what she unlocked.

No longer is there that same in pain in my eyes.

My demons no longer hide.

Inspiration!

TheOnlyGood
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:58 pm

The Masks We Wear

Post by TheOnlyGood » Tue Oct 24, 2017 7:48 pm

I envy the chameleon.

It is a reptilian that will change its exterior that it shows to the world depending on the surroundings.

Am I the perfect drow warrior whom will do whatever is required for his Matron? One who believes he was born to die in service to Her? Do I go after the thing that ended her life? Or do I move on and look towards the House that will ascend next?

Perhaps I am merely a host of a piece of the vileness of the Abyss? A place where darkness, even darker than here, can persist and fester; growing stronger and stronger by each passing cycle. A place where it just waits until it can explode then slowly continue to ooze, corrupting everything around me.

Maybe I am the one who listens to the whispers of the Spider? Her voice drips of poison and I freely ingest every drop. I’ll follow behind her for reasons I can’t even begin to answer. The excitement, perhaps?

Or am I the heretical one whom can believe in things that should not be spoken. One who is truly not born to die, but has desires for a better purpose. I’ve cut such thoughts from my mind before—shall I do it again?

I show those people what they want to see but I don’t know what I see in myself.

Inspiration!

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