Writings of a Hoarite.

[DarkDreamer]

This first post is considered IC for all purposes and is permitted to be known of IG.



To any of my brothers and sisters reading this....if any, this is my sworn confession before Assurian, and a glimpse into my own life. I do not do this for recognition, or glory, or even peoples forgiveness, I do it because I cannot stand the person I have become. It is time to face my own music. So, detailing my crimes is the first step to what I will be repenting for.

1. Murder - The Murder of Shauna Flanagan, even if I believed myself in the right, even if I have mortally atoned for it, such is not completed in the eyes of Assurian.

2. Betrayal - I betrayed my wife, and my own friends, sold them out when it came to a chance at power and betrayed the woman I love in chasing after another. I can only hope to atone for my sins in this, even if forgiven.

3. Slavery - While this happened a long time ago, it is still a sin I bare and must pay for.

4. Cruelty - I have been cruel many times in my life. I deserve the same as I have done to them.

5. Disobeying of laws - Outside the crimes of murder, I have broken the spirit of the law several times in disobeying legal action.

For these crimes and others I may not remember, but Hoar does, I surrender myself in Mind, Body and Soul to the Vigilant Knights of Minmir for eternity, or until the day comes that they are no longer needed. Or Hoar himself deems my penance completed. I will try to keep notes from my experience, but such may be difficult with the long hordes.

Signed in faith:
Mathias Blackmoore, Servant of Hoar

[DarkDreamer]

The hordes never end, so they tell me during my training here. I am nothing more then a squire to the Knights, and yet as I aid my brothers I feel the sense of accomplishment that comes from the service under them. They have warned me that forever...the eternity I have sworn too, is a very long time. Longer still when the war will never end. It's alright though, I cannot for the life of me say I am bored at any time. When I am not in battle, I am tending the armor and weapons of the Knights, thank gods I am a Blacksmith, or I am in prayer to commune with Hoar. Such things keep me very busy, and when that fails, I am resting, tending the wounded, eating or being trained as a Squire. I pray my children are alright, and that Aurora and them will eventually understand my choice. Even though they are against it. Assurian guard and guide us all.

[DarkDreamer]

Another tenday another horde slain, it never ends, today we discussed my faith, why I was serving and what I hoped to gain. I gave him my full confession, why I was there, and that I only sought to redeem myself before Hoar. He asked me a question that gave me pause. "Did I forgive myself yet?" Sadly the truthful answer was honestly "no". He simply nodded to me and told me that until I forgave myself, I could not ask Assurian to do so. That makes a lot of sense honestly as how can I be redeemed when I hate myself? I will have to think long and hard on that.

I miss my children, and I miss Aurora. I hope they are doing well and are okay. I hated leaving them as I did, but I hated more what I had become. I could not live among the people being mocked, hated and ridiculed for what I was anymore, I may have deserved it, but I did not wish to continue it, and I refused to take the cowards way out in suicide. I guess that is one plus for me. I have never truly believe that being a coward was the way to resolve things. One day, I will earn my forgiveness, then and only then, will I truly be free.

Signed: Mathias Blackmoore ~ Squire to the Vigilant Knights

[DarkDreamer]

I spend a lot of time thinking on what my teacher told me on forgiving myself. Though I have been able to forgive some things, others I have not. Like my betrayal of Aurora, her pain and suffering because of me. It has not been easy to think about. I like to think I did a lot of good the past year in Guldorand....I actually find myself hoping Rannos and all them are well. Azrael is another I think about very often, and Ryth. Gods how I miss talking to Ryth, we spent so much time together for a while, then he vanished. So many kept vanishing and while others tried to explain it, it never stopped hurting when they did. I guess I will just keep at it. It is after all why I am a Squire and not one of the Knights yet. I have a lot to learn. Though I am grateful for the opportunity.


Signed: Squire Mathias Blackmoore