Gift of Brutality

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The Salt Elemental
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Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:43 am

“Never hide your true self. To hide it is to lie. If you lie, they have reason to hate you. Do not give them that power.” - Akta yr Isalia el Rein
New.

The port city of Memnon had always been my home. I grew up there, among the fish and the boisterous merchants trying to haggle deals from sailors and fishermen. It was there I learned to fight, to haggle, and to survive. I never thought I would leave. I’d made a name for myself there and to some degree I like to think some even liked me. As with everything though, things changed. My mother perished from her old age and my past caught up to me, I ventured out through the sea to an island known as Arelith.

Cordor reminded me a lot of my home in some ways. It is a massive trading hub where fishermen and merchants alike reside. Despite the similarities, I find this land also to be... strange. The people of calimshan only care to listen to a few things, wealth, strength, and those with connections to power. But I'm Cordor there seems to be.. something different. I am not sure I even understand fully what makes this kingdom’s people so... strange and barbaric. Perhaps it is the lack of an unforgiving desert?
I am uncertain.

It is no secret, nor do I bother to hide it, that my heritage is hideous to look at. Frightening to children and adults alike. My appearance has always been used as a tool, in the sands, to complete tasks and jobs. For me, it has been both a blessing and a curse. Traveling outside Calimshan and into the barbaric lands across the seas, I knew people would be harsher. To some even, I am a monster. I do not deny this.

But in Cordor? I am not given many second looks. Not all stare at me with hatred or scream at the sight of my eyes alone. I am disappointed by this. My tool seems to have been dulled. Have I come to a place where my kind are so common that no one flinches at the sight of horns or sharpened teeth?
This is an unfortunate thing. I expected resistance, not resilience.

Perhaps, it is not so bad. Like my home, most tolerate me- or even are willing to converse normally. I expected to have to work my way up, but on my first day alone I met a man who, willingly, filled my satchel with magical items of power- potions and equipment. Then there was Mathian, who upon learning my intentions simply gave me a set of rare armor. This is extremely strange. No one has ever given me anything that I have not earned, in my life. Not even from my own mother. This armor feels... dirty to wear. Something unearned. Something given. Like a charity. I am not charity.

Thankfully, I was at least able to find a job among the Ordo Cordoria. I am uncertain how I feel about being apart of a knighthood rather than a simple band of mercenaries among the sands. I find it, however, necessary to hold this position as I am better able to exact the Lord’s justice on those that deserve it. After all, this was one of my reasons for leaving my homeland. I should probably find a simplistic way of going about it. The pay is not great and I will likely have to continue looking for better paying outlets as I grow stronger.

I guess what I’m saying is, people have disappointed me, once again, in a way I did not even think possible. Go figure.
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:17 am, edited 5 times in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:47 am

“A halfling can never tell the truth because they don't have the capacity for it. You'll never meet one that isn't a thief or a con-artist.” - unknown
Halflings and Lies.

There are very few things that I loathe more in this world than those who lie. Lies do nothing. No one gains from lies, especially the one telling it. It is cowardice and the wish to deceive that causes one to lie. The act of luring can be damaging. It causes chaos and ruin- striking reputation and words alone. To lie is evil.

Half-truths, I can understand. It isn't completely devoid of deception. Some use half-truths to accomplish goals or save people from the horrid news of truth. Yes, truth can be horrid and cruel. A half-truth can offer mercy and yet avoids the chaos and destruction of a complete lie. I find a half-truth is the middle ground. Though I do not use them often, I will tell a half truth to save the decrepit state of whatever terrible truth there may be. It isn't a power to be abused, however. Even half-truths can hurt sometimes. It's a tool to be used sparingly, and only when needed.

This said, when I come across those who do nothing but compulsively lie, it causes nothing more than bitter hatred. Lies are almost always partly the reasons for situations in which others have become hurt and I have had to reap vengeance on the perpetrator.

I have only been on this island for a month and I have found two of the worst compulsive liars I have ever met in my life. One Katie Popkins and her employee, a Maiden. I was at the front gate, looking for someone to share in a hunt with when I witnessed large rats coming from the Nomad’s door. I, like many others, went inside to investigate after killing the rats.

What I found has utterly disgusted me to my core. Inside, I found the trio of Kelemvor knights speaking with Ms. Katie Popkins in front of the kitchens door. At her feet lay several dire rats and a large brood mother, a female who gives birth to the many, dead at the kitchen doors feet. Red in her face and her hands on her tiny hips, this little halfling told lies till her face was blue.

“The Nomad has no rats! There are NO rats here! These are rumors! The Nomad is the cleanest establishment on the island!”

What filth.

“These rats came from the Clover! The Nomad has never had a rat problem! Never!”

What garbage.

“The Nomad remains to rat free! Sit down and have a drink with us! Maybe cool off a bit, these rumors will die down.”

How pathetic.

At first she denied the existence of the rats completely, whilst physical evidence laid at her feet. She was caught, and she did nothing but lie in the face of her customers. Not only was she lying, she was potentially harming the many customers who eat and drink at her establishment. Rats are the carriers for disease, even the plague. How selfish and evil was she that she didn't accept her failure to keep the kitchen clean. Many could have gotten seriously sick.

However, my Lord was watching and exacted justice upon her before I even had a chance to. Attempting to storm into the kitchen, the biggest rat of them all, a large and old female, perhaps the original brood mother, stood at her feet. The rat knocked her on her back, hissing. Within we could see more rats, more filth of their existence scurrying around the kitchens. How poetic she would happen to open the door the moment the largest one stood there? I, only, had to carry out His work.

As a squire of the Ordor Cordoria, I was able to contact Mathian, who was currently trade minister at the time, and had the Nomad shut down for a ten day or two until they cleaned the rat infestation from their kitchens. Once the original female rat, which admittedly took twenty people to take down, was slain, I was able to return to Popkins. This woman continued, even after being caught red handed to lie to her customers and save face. She would not take responsibility. The halfling acted as an immature teenager, refusing to accept the fact that she'd been caught with neglect. She didn't care she could have hurt many. She only cared about her pride and her establishment.

I am aware not all of her kind acts this way.. but she is not the only halfling I have met to act deceitfully. Is this an attribute of the race? Perhaps it is hypocritical of me to judge them all for their traits. After all, many assume me to be a devil worshipper or spawn. All I know is, I can’t be bothered to think otherwise until someone actually gives me a credible example to take from.

I still doubt that’ll ever happen.
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:17 am, edited 5 times in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:59 am

“The Question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”
Questions.

The people of this island seem to be always be interested in your lineage. They are always so nosy, so intrusive.

“Where are you from?”

Memnon, Calimshan.

“Who do you worship? Do you worship Devils?”

Hoar, the Lord of Three Thunders.

“What are you, a goat?”

No, I am plane touched. I am not a goat turned human. No, I do not eat grass.

“Shouldn't your skin be red?”

Not all descend from devils or demons.

Constant questions circulate through me as I meet more and more people. I almost miss the nasty looks or the threats to get out of town. The shunning. Now, I have to answer everything. Cordor has a policy of hiding your ‘monstrous appearance’ but for me, this is next to impossible. I cannot change the appearance of my eyes. I cannot make my horns smaller. I cannot, even, change the color of my grey skin. Nor, suddenly gain a shadow or reflection.

All of these questions have made me come to question myself once more. Where do these urges come from? Where is my blood from? Hopefully, a Mr. Azar can help me with at least a little of this. He recently gave a class on memory magic, and I believe he may be able to help me uncover things lost to me. However, the Archmage Swift speaks of another Archmage who may be able to help, a Chaesendra Desmontes. Hopefully, they will be more successful uncovering things long forgotten. Things.. That I cannot answer right now.

Or maybe they’ll just be as useless as the last priest. Who knows?
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:15 am, edited 4 times in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

User avatar
The Salt Elemental
Posts: 153
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2017 7:44 am

Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Thu Aug 24, 2017 5:03 am

"Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'"
Friendship.

There is nothing that confuses me more than the naive notion that there will be others in this world, unrelated by blood, who will be willing to give their life for you at a moments notice simply because they give you the title of ‘friend’. This concept has always eluded me as the only person I've ever been willing to give my life for are those who raised me. They were Family, not friends.


So when those like Khaidan, Mathian, and Theoros walked into my life, I was nothing but.. bewildered. I am not naive enough to admit that they likely will ever see me as family or even as a ‘friend’. But I cannot deny the feeling of kinship that I get when I am around them.

Mathian, he was the first to ask me of my story. He listened and he helped. It is more likely that he was just grooming me to be a pawn, a loyal companion. A guard dog to sick on those who threatened him. I wouldn't be surprised. However, he.. did something strange as of late. He paid mostly for the very scimitar that I now wield. He was.. nice. He gave me another job, as a trade officer. He was good to me.

It is a shame, that I will have to kill him if I ever see him again.

Unfortunately, I hadn't known Mathian to be a thief. He was generous. Perhaps it is because he knew he would be rich when he was gone. The city of Cordor was now bankrupt because of him. And he, is nowhere to be found. His recommendations and notes of merit he gave me are likely now void. And by the Doombringers will, I should exact punishment on him for the hundreds of people he has hurt by these actions. There will be those that go hungry. Some will lose their homes, their jobs. The kingdom won't be able to pay for upkeep and it has thrown us into another chaotic election.
Perhaps he was never a friend. Only an enemy in disguise.

Khaidan was the second person to show me attention in Cordor. He is extremely strange and odd. His behaviour is erratic, and curious. The man is always talking about how he protects his friends and the city he loves. It seems Cordor has stolen his heart. I suspect he'll not find a wife with how much he gives away. He is always giving presents to me when I see him and I do not understand why. He tells me, I am a friend to him. I barely know him and rarely get to see him. I find myself drawn to him out of curiousity as to what he will do next, as I believe he's a form of entertainment. For now, I'll continue to see him. Whether he's actually a friend, or another hoping to use me remains to be seen.


Theoros is a man that I admire. Not in a way of friendship but in a way of respect. We are faithful to the same god, the Lord of Three Thunders. I find this similarity the means of which a bond may grow. He's Chessentan, a people common in my homeland for reading, and speaks of being from the city where the Lord himself walked during the Time of Troubles. His armor was his fathers, who served the Lord faithfully as well. I admire the work he does, and I hope to share shield with him in the fields of battle. He shows interest in me, asks about my homeland and my opinions on certain matters. Though he is often quiet, words are not necessarily always needed for this man. He allows his actions to speak for him. A rare quality in a land filled with loud mouth talkers and liars. If there is anyone who I would call a friend, this is the man I would seek. I am proud to learn from him.

Perhaps I, too, have grown naive.
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:14 am, edited 5 times in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Thu Aug 24, 2017 5:14 am

“Lineage does not define me, that is only something I, my mind, can decide for myself.”

Lineage.

I am constantly asked, “Infernal or Abyssal?”

They might as well just ask my true name whilst they're at it. It's rude. It's intrusive and I am unsure I like this.. attention. The truth is, I don’t exactly know my lineage.

Growing up, I knew that my mother was not truly my birth mother. In fact, the one who raised me had to grow to love me. My life still continued after she found me because she thought I could be useful and bring her coin when I was older. I was only about seven when I lost my birth mother to raiders on the journey from Calimport to Memnon. The road passes through the wide open sands of Calimshan and raiders often patrol it, seeking riches for themselves. My birth parents had travelled the road many times with me, and I knew the way as they were teaching me. Towards the end of the last leg of my last journey through it, our caravan was attacked and raided. My birth mother was taken away whilst I played dead, to be never seen again. Somehow, despite the heavy losses, I and a few other survivors managed to make it back to Memnon.

I believe it was instinct and perhaps the will of my Lord that helped me find my way back to Memnon on my own. There is very little memory of her in my mind as I was so young and it is likely that my mind blocks memories to safe-guard itself from the trauma. When I arrived in Memnon, I spent a few weeks on the streets before my adopted mother, Akta yr Isalia el Rein took me in. Though I do not remember much of my original mother, I do know that they weren’t native to Calimshan. They came from the seas and decided to settle in Calimport.

A few years ago, I did petition a priest of Ohgma to help me discern my origin, my blood, and my true name. He was a wise diviner, but to me he spoke in riddles. He told me,
“Your blood is shrouded in shadow. It is unlike that of a demon or a devil. It is something otherworldly, almost divine.”
I do not understand what that meant. Some have told me, it probably means that I am a descendent from a god from the Time of Troubles. It’s possible. I can’t remember my father, I only know he existed. I like to think, perhaps, that it was Hoar I descended from. But, this is not very likely the case. I would probably be Chessentan if I descended from Hoar, himself.

It is a nice thought, though.
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:13 am, edited 2 times in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
Posts: 153
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Sun Aug 27, 2017 3:54 pm

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... You can resist almost anything but it." -Akta yr Isalia el Rein


Discipline.

Violence is something that has always been apart of my life. From becoming a sell-sword to simply avenging in the Lord’s name, I have always been close to brutality. Inside of me, there rages a hot fire of anger and hatred. It fuels my blade, my reason for each move. Each cut I make, each slash I take, these are calculated through mind and emotion. It is through the very action of battle, do I channel that which burns inside of me into nothing but ash.

I must leak it, or else that rage will build up until I explode. If I do not have my outlet, I become uncontrollable. I must fight, not just for my Lord, but for my own sanity. I must have discipline.

When I was younger, I did not control myself. I allowed myself to give into my urges. I lashed out because it felt good to do so. I lied, because it was what my blood told me to do. Self-control was something I learned over the years. I was not always this way. No, not at all.

So it is days like this, situations like this, that make me question if it really is worth it to resist these urges. What’s the harm? Right?

The man's name was Elijah. Elijah Wulfus. And he was the most cowardly, scrawny man, I have ever had the unfortunate chance of meeting in the last few years. He dressed in robes, like most mages of this isle, and from his scrawny nature you could tell he hadn’t lifted a single weight in his life. In fact, I’m not even sure he’s good with magic. A competent mage could easily take me out at my current state. There is a reason mages are respected in Calimshan.

I first came upon a scene made by him in Cordor. When I arrived, It looked as if he was harassing the gnomish woman who had helped me tendays earlier, Lissa. I found her to be a respectable, kind, woman and thus I rightly wished to aide her. After listening to the situation, I came to a single conclusion.


This man was utterly, and inconceivably, the most stupid of any person I have ever met in my life.

I decided to call him out on his shite, defending the woman. He proceeded to lay into me with insults and comments of the ‘freak’ nature towards my blood. Of course, I could not let this go unpunished. If I allowed one person to get away with mocking my nature, they would all mock my nature. An idiot, indeed, for rearing my anger.

I gave him two options.
“You will pay a fine, or you will receive a single punch from me.” I told him.

The idiot continued to babble like a newborn babe. To be honest, I don’t even remember all of what he was going on about. I hadn’t cared at that point. My fire was roaring and who was I to ignore it? I repeated myself two times only. Both times he ignored. The third time was enough.

So I punched him.

I made his choice for him. And damn did it feel good. I admit. I never planned on fineing him. It was just an excuse to attack him. But no one else needed to know that. I knew he was too stupid to accept a fine. He was too arrogant to believe he could receive punishment for his comments. Despite the punch, I wanted to do so much more. Everytime I come into a situation like this, it is dangerous for me. Because my blood screams at me.

Slide your blade into his throat.

Flay his skin.

Cut him open.

Choke him.

Bite him.

Cut his tongue out.


Suggestions. Feelings. Subconscious thoughts that cross my mind. These are the taint of my blood. I understand this isn’t me. It’s the monster inside of me that continues to try and claw it’s way out. I wanted to do so much more than just a punch. How dare he insult me? A warrior of Hoar?

I can't let them see my anger. And I won't. No one will have the gratification of my anger or my remorse. I will not allow them to penetrate my skin. Not even a weakling like Elijah.

I give in just a little. A punch instead of a stab. A cut instead of death. I feed it only enough to get us both by, to make life bearable.

Gods. I sound like a brooding teenager. Is this really what my life has come to?
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:08 am, edited 2 times in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Sun Aug 27, 2017 7:16 pm

"We accept the love we think we deserve" - Stephen Smithson, Monk.


Love.

When I was a young girl, my adoptive mother, Akta, bought me a pet. It was just a mutt, a dog. He had scruffy brown furr with spots of white and black. He was grumpy, slightly hostile, and likely a little senile.

But I loved him anyway. He didn't care what I was, and I in turn minded his grumpy behaviour.

My mother gave him to me as a reward for successfully knocking her on her arse during one of our sparring sessions for the first time. She reasoned, I deserved a gift for my hard earned effort. I was going to bring her coin, after all.

However, my adoptive mother was not a loving one. My relationship with her was more akin to a business relationship than to anything that resembled actual family. Everything she did was a hard learned lesson. She let me grow or love that dog.

And then she made me kill him.

I was taught not to make bonds like this. As a mercenary, those bonds will get you killed. And she needed me alive to serve her.

...

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Maybe, it's an underlying fear that those I have bonded with.. Theoros, Safiyya, Pierce... that I will have to kill them someday too.

I should really see a priestess to talk about this stuff with. I sound traumatized.
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:07 am, edited 2 times in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Thu Aug 31, 2017 12:01 am

The line between good and evil is permeable and almost anyone can be induced to cross it when pressured by situational forces.


The Good and Evil of Man.

What does it mean to be good?

And once you define what is good, where does it end? If doing an action is for the ‘good’ of others, does this justify the action?


I believe that ethical and moral standards are flawed. Our perception and perspective of good and evil is inherently, broken.

Why?

Because nothing is ever as simple as good, or bad. Somehow, it is always convoluted and complicated. Let me write an example.

Say you have a husband and a wife with a small child. Both who love their child equally. Unfortunately, there is a storm brewing in their seemingly perfect relationship. The wife renounces the husband's religion publically, takes the babe away to a secret location and refuses to tell the husband where their child is.. On top of this, they both have a secret problem, unknown to the public, of a dangerous demonic hag, that is posing as a religious symbol, locked inside their home with seals of four altars. So not only does she steal the child, she also takes her altar and breaks the seal, essentially releasing the monster.

But wait, you can’t judge yet. Because there is more.

The husband, an idiot, and angry with the wife’s treachery, lashes out in a fit of heated passion. Then he-get this- murders her inside of her Lord’s temple with axes. Multiple axes. A gruesome, terrible death. She is resurrected and the husband, taken away to the jails. The wife returns to their broken home in search of why her husband possibly could have done this. Because she is clueless and also as stupid as her husband. Lo and behold what does she find? An awakened demonic hag, angered and out for vengeance against all of the people of the city. In an effort to save the lives of the many, she sacrifices herself and becomes a martyr, a hero despite her treachery. The Husband? Sent to deaths row for murder.

Is this just? Did the wife deserve her basic suicide? It was her fault that the Hag was released, not the husbands. She took the altar. She broke the seal. Was her sacrifice something to be celebrated since she is the one who put the city in danger?

And what of the husband? He was a victim, yes, but he murdered his own wife. Did he deserve to die as well? He was angry. A crime of passion. Does this excuse this one evil act?

And what of the child? The most tragic part of this story? Does this child truly deserve to grow up, parentless?


As you can see, Good and Evil are horrendously difficult to decide or judge. There is too much grey area, there is no black or white. One could reason that perhaps the wife was justified in becoming a martyr. Afterall, she saved hundreds of lives and was victim to the husband’s murderous rampage.

On the other hand, one could reason she was evil and she did not deserve this fate. To be placed on a pedestal as a beacon of goodness. For, despite her sacrifice, it was her fault for selfishly, and stupidly, releasing the hag. It was her fault for betraying her husband in the first place. And it was her fault for taking their beloved child away from him. Was her initial reasons and actions evil?


But Nehala, you whine, this is just some oddly specific example and not everything is so complicated!

Well, non-existent reader, allow me to serve you reality. You have little choices in life that never truly matter in the large spectrum of the universe, and then you have the big choices, that do. The choices the husband and wife made were big choices. They mattered. And every big choice is complicated. Yes, you have small things like helping the elderly or giving someone a smile. These small choices may cause a ripple, but in the whole they are not life or death.

This is why our perception of moral is wrong. You cannot just say ‘Actions that are good, are good. And actions that are bad, are bad.’

I believe it is my realization of this that makes me so good at serving as a judge. Call me arrogant, but I prefer to speak the truth. I never assume someone has initially done something evil until I have learned the whole of the situation. Information and knowledge is key in my duties to Hoar. You cannot exact vengeance for the victim, if you are mistaken as to who the victim is. This is a mistake that, I believe, ninety-nine percent of all paladins and ‘do-gooders’ make.

So how would I judge these people, might you ask, non-existent reader?

Exacting vengeance in this situation would need to be done carefully. Because I would be exacting vengeance for the child.

The trick answer here is that the child is the innocent victim. And his parents are the evil. They failed him not just as parents, but as examples. The mother was selfish and narrow-minded. She allowed religion to come between her relationship with her husband. Instead of bending or attempting to work things out, she was treacherous. She betrayed her family. The husband, instead of handling the situation calmly, lashed out and committed an act of murder of his own wife, the child’s mother. He betrayed his child by taking away his mother. They allowed their personal problems to come before their child.

And this, my non-existent friend, is true evil.

It is a shame they are both dead, or soon to be. I am saddened I was robbed of my duty to exact justice upon Kyle Eldafire and Eilonna Eldafire. May their son be watched over by the Assuran.
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

User avatar
The Salt Elemental
Posts: 153
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2017 7:44 am

Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Sun Sep 03, 2017 12:07 am

Stupidity.

If only the concept that the strong live and the weak die was something of a reality. The unfortunate truth is that even the most idiotic person can survive, given they are good at surviving. An idiot can learn how to defend themselves, after all. So thus, because there is nothing to weed out the stupid, you are left with a world like ours. Where unintelligent and intelligent beings govern societies.

The saying that the stupid die young is false. The most intelligent wizard can be a complete dumbass and cause the catastrophic mass-genocide of his people. Like Karsus and the Netherese, for instance. The man was too stupid to see he was blinded by power and caused the destruction of his people.

Knowing the distinction between who is stupid and who is not is important for survival. Overestimating and underestimating can be both your downfall.¹

Typically, I have no problem classing most people into these two categories.
Some intelligent people, for example, are:
Aleric.
Marlevaur of House Baequitimer.
Archmage Swift.
Theoros.
Salvador.
Ghestalt, Thane of Brog.
Akta.
Commander Arl.
Vice Chancellor Snow.
Warden DeLocke.
Lissa Whitehorn.
Vadrien Crommis.
Jorian Hawke.
Kent.
Mae.
Pierce Wellby.
Belegon.
Kora Swift (I am killing this wench the moment I get my hands on her. I hate slavers.)
Alastair Casavir.



Some unintelligent people, for example, are:
Faeren the Traitor.
Pinkie Popkins the Liar.
The Maid the Nameless.
Kyle the Wife-killer.
Eilonna the Treacherous.
Ingeborg the Brute.
Rhaeg the Anarchist.
Most hin in existance. Bad Nehala.
Nilfa the Obvious.
Amras the Powerhungry (This judgement pending finale results. This was the first impression.) She is no longer on this list.
Velethuil the Suicidal.
Most dwarves. Bad Nehala.
Ryvvik the White-Knight.
The Wizard the Shameless.
Amras the PowerHungry and a giant backstabbing friend. Bad Nehala, be unbiased.
Ragart the Fact-less Accuser.
Carla the Racist Prick.
Jason Duranga the Hanged God's Servent of Murder. (What a mouthful that one)
Carmilla the Lovestruck. (She can deny it all she wants. She was in love with Salvador).


...


Really, I could keep going one with these lists. But perhaps to save paper, I will just keep it at that. These are only a few examples. Each has their own level of stupidity, but you can group them together in mostly the same area. Of course, there are always outliers. No system is truly perfect.

My point is that knowledge and know-how are the very foundation of our core. Our society, our foundation. Politicians do not become politicians just because they have a pretty smile. There is always someone, or a Family, pulling the strings behind the scenes.

¹ Footnote: If there is someone that starts a fight with you that leads to you drawing swords, and they do that subconscious move of taking two steps backward, this person is automatically, without a doubt, an idiot.


There is a break in the page where perhaps some time has passed. The ink is changed, the writing smaller. This was an afterthought.


I feel as if this whole rant was just an excuse to list everyone I find immaculately terrible decision makers. How, me.
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 20, 2017 5:02 am, edited 9 times in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:50 am

The Maid.

From the moment I met this woman, I felt drawn to her. I think it is because my blood has always been drawn to those who are dark inside. Why? Maybe it's because it's the closest thing the dark part of me has to companionship. I tend to like those who act as my blood wishes me too.
However, in this case, despite my bloods call, I almost immediately had a sense of small distaste for this woman.
I can't fathom why. Perhaps, it’s because simply distrust old grannies who refer to themselves in the third person. I don't know.

I suppose it's a good thing that her whole spiel as a slave is a lie. Otherwise, arresting her would have been seriously embarrassing.
Apart of me, secretly only investigated her because of my hatred for the lying Popkin hin. It was if a small side of me looked into all of their employees just to spite her for her incessant lies.

But I know that it was because she is a spy and a security risk to the wellbeing of Cordor’s people... right?

Yeah I really shouldn't lie to myself. I only looked into her because I wished to avenge the Popkin sisters for their lying. They lied to save their business. I exposed their best employee for the treasonous spy that she is in order to drop their sales and hurt their business. Of course, had I not found anything, I wouldn't have arrested the Maid. I wouldn't. Really.

Anyway, I caught her red handed. Evidence and all. I paid a sneak, who's name I’ll not mention in case this journal is stolen, to trail her around. Turns out, the fat wench works for the damn Wizard himself. You know that rumor of the crappy swordsman drow that poses as a mage? (I'll write about him later.)

It cost me twenty thousand, but it was very worth it. Of course, the word of a nameless spy isn't enough for me to convict her on. I can't give a name in the official report, and thus that'd be treated as a rumor.
I believe, that once again, the Assuran has gifted me. Or- that it was fate we should stumble across her.
Right in the middle of the road, my squire Aleric and I, witnessed her receive a goblin runner from The Wizard himself! Imagine the odds, Imaginary reader? Not that you can. You don't exist. Anyway.

Right in front of us, she received a goblin signed by the Wizard to come meet and report to him as well as the location and when. I practically giggled with glee. This was the opportunity I was looking for.
We brought her in and questioned her. Of course, I couldn't get her to drop her act. Admittedly, I was harsher than usual. I was really hoping for information on the Wizard’s dealings. All I could really get was info on the current thieves guild1 and some of his associates names. She kept deflecting and tried to play her victim card as a slave more than once. It became obvious she has ulterior motives. Enough to the point where the Vice Chancellor gave me the go ahead to banish her if she did not come clean.

She didn't. As I predicted.

A shame she didn't. I was willing to help her out of the collar had she given us something to work with.

In a way, I feel sorry for her. She was a pawn in my plans for poetic justice against both the Wizard and the Popkin halfling. I did condemn her away from Cordor. And it was made public her association with the Wizard, discrediting her word and any hope for surface help to get the collar off if she even wants it off.
But on the other hand, she was aiding in leaking information, maps, and valuable knowledge of the surface and its people to a drow no less. So, my conscious is clear.

In other, better, news. I was made a Wyvern in the Silver Drake company. Go me


1 Footnote: Look into someone who goes by the name, Mr. White.
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:18 am, edited 2 times in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Tue Sep 05, 2017 4:06 am

Jealousy.

I loathe beautiful things.

I know. I sound crazy. But it is the truth.

This is why I hate Myon.

It is not because elves tend to be pretentious and conceited due to their isolation. It is because their city, their People.. are so beautiful.

The Coronal invited me and my brothers in faith to look upon the floating city a few ten days ago. There were sweet smelling flowers and statues made with perfect craftsmanship just littered all over the city. Every elf looked young and soft and on every corner you could hear the sweet serenade of a bard or bardess filling the streets with cheer and song. The structures were made with massive, elegant granite and mithril. Despite being so old, each brick was woven and carved with care to last the ages.

It was terrible. I hated it.

The farther we walked, the more irritable I was. How can these people, blessed with such grace and beauty take themselves for granted? I've heard of their power struggles and their infighting inside of myon. They hate their leader. I can't fathom why. He's the most sane, respectable elf I think I have ever met. And my commander is an elf! Whatever he did to become Coronal was worth it. It was politics. And I can tell that his heart is good. They should listen to him. He's a wise ruler.

But let's not kid ourselves, nonexistent reader. The main reason I hated going through that city was more because of my appearance.

I am a woman, after all. Even if I do not show the world, I do have confidence issues.
Yes, I'm self-conscious.
Yes, a woman who looks vaguely like a demonic goat is self-conscious of her looks.

Huge surprise, right? Wrong.

I hide my issues well. I know I am hideous. - That is not me speaking insecurely. I know that my appearance is horrifyingly hideous, factually. I can't even smile a large, toothy smile without looking like a monster.
Theoros tells me, I am beautiful by my own standards as a tiefling not as a human. I know he means well. He doesn't want me to feel hideous, but this has been my reality since I was young. I long have accepted it.

I am bitter with jealousy when it comes to beautiful things. I do not have the options that other women do. I cannot have a husband. I cannot get married. I cannot.. have children.

Yes, I yearn for this. A normal life. I yearn for a home and a companion to live by. I am a woman, it's natural.

‘But Nehala,’ you may say, imaginative reader, ‘you could have that! Love conquers all!’

Um no, it doesn't.


If a miracle happened, and I found a man to love me and deal with my rageful urges, I would outlive him by at least a few hundred years. Yes, I would likely watch him grow old, without me, and die.

If I had children with him, our children would all be tieflings. They would all likely share my curse. They would all likely have this burden that I carry. And it is probable that not all of them would learn to cope as well as I have.

Even if I filed my horns down, my grey pigmented skin and ram eyes would give me away.

We would not have a home to settle. No community would take us. One tiefling is tolerable. But children? More? That's a sin to some. We'd be shunned and persecuted. My children would not have friends. Worse, someone could hurt them. How could I, in good conscience, bring children into a world like this?

No. I cannot have a normal life. That is not an option for me. No matter how much I want it.

I am so envious of them. Of those of Myon and their beautiful city. It represents everything denied to me because I was born.

Screw me, right?
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 06, 2017 7:03 am, edited 2 times in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:04 am

“You don’t know me that well. My angry face and my happy face are the same.”


Blood.

I think I now have a good understanding of what I am descended from. I have seen another Seer. The results were the same.

It.. makes sense to me, in some ways, now. When I originally petitioned a Seer in Calimshan, I did not actually think to take their words literally.
When I asked him, if I was devil or demon, they told me the answer was shrouded in shadow. In evil. I took this non-literally due to the evil part. That the evil of my blood shrouded it from view.

I have been a fool.

According to the Seer, that I petitioned here in Arelith, there are three gods that likely are the sires of my lineage.

Bhaal, Shar, or Mask.

None of which, I particularly like the idea of. They are all gods of a nefarious nature.
The worst part is that they all make sense.

Bhaal. His followers were known to bring horrid and murderous retribution upon those who wronged. Upon murderers, slavers. He was a god of murder and anger. Rage.
I have rage. I have the urge to kill. And if I do not feed it every now and again, that pent up rage comes out. I lash at those I care about.
I have always sought retribution on those who have wronged. Even before I knew, Hoars name I did his work. Could it be that it was my blood, this whole time, who sought for the death of those who wrong?

Shar.
The goddess of shadow and loss. I do not have much in common with her, I do not think, other than the loss I have suffered over my birth parents and the memory of them. I am not even sure if she has sired any bloodlines. I think she is the least likely but still a possibility.

Mask. Another likely candidate. I have no shadow, no reflection. Darkness has always been something close to me. And I have not been above thieving when I was young... In fact, I used to resort to it. I am, even, able to manipulate shadow. To cast a spell every so often through my blood.
I have always liked knowing things. Pulling strings. This is something that has always come natural to me.

I used to feel the urge to hide myself. To hide my nature. The darkness always felt like home to me. It was comforting. I preferred it to the burning light of day on the sands of Calimshan.

But Akta taught me to fight against that instinct. Now, I loathe hiding myself. I am proud of what I am because I know I am more than just my blood. I own it.

Now, how am I supposed to tell those I care about that I descend from either a murderer, a destroyer, or a thief?

I don't think I will. I rather keep this to myself.
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 06, 2017 5:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Wed Sep 06, 2017 5:07 am

Power.

I have never been the type to crave power. I know that I already have it. And should I rise in rank, I am not fulfilled because I have more power, but because I have achieved something on my own merit.

I attempted to make this very clear when I challenged Salvador for the position of Dragon within the drakes. Looking back, perhaps I was a bit too forward and quick. Though I am always like that, I realise I should have likely waited until the draconic guild was out of listening distance. The problems are too long to list here, and frankly I am simply tired of talking about it. I value Salvador as a priest of my Lord, and as a friend. But he need’s work as far as leadership goes. That is all I shall say for right now.

I cannot think of a worse way to decide a new leader. A vote. I hated it. Leadership is not measured through a popularity contest. I mean, look at Chancellor Elwood? He has corruption stuffed so far up his arse that he doesn’t even care to hide it anymore. However, nor should leadership be decided on battle just alone.

That said, I prefer it to be decided via battle. Of course, a priest could defeat me if they knew well. But, I truly believe, Hoar would see it right should I challenge him again in a few months time. Which I will, should he not change his serious lack of communication and direction.


His behaviour, however, concerned me. He, on multiple occasions, resorted to insults and spite. I, assume, because he was upset at being called out on his problems. However, I respected him and did not resort to such things. This is a man I consider a friend. Why would be act like this?

I do not believe he is genuine. I, now, have suspicions of his motive. Does he truly care? Or is he just power hungry? I am uncertain. But I will keep a very close eye on him.

Which I shall also do for Carmilla. She, very quickly, has gotten beneath my skin. Even at the party, before the events transpired, I noticed her cold shoulder attitude. I believe she thinks I am a threat to her love for Salvador.

Yes, you heard that right. She’s infatuated with him. And I am her ‘competition’ in her mind, likely. She was the biggest one to throw insults and accusations. She either is in love with him or is a very hateful, deceitful woman. I cannot explain her grossly kiss-arse behaviour. If she were smart at all she would realise I am not interested in Salvador in any romantic fashion. I am rarely interested in anyone with romantic fashion. In fact, I am bedding Theoros and I am super not sure I even like, or love him. I only know those that I am attracted to, like Theoros or the Warden DeLocke. And those I am not attracted to, like Salvador.

Honestly, what has love ever done for me? Made a mess of things, that’s what. I don’t need it.
I want it. But I don’t need it.


In other news, I’ve crossed off Dame Amras from my unintelligent list. She’s proven herself to be more than what is just on the surface. Even if she is a little power-hungry. Ambition is okay.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Fri Sep 08, 2017 5:37 am

Family.


I can barely remember my blood mother.

There are some memories I can retain. I know that she was not beautiful, but she was pretty. She was a normal human, as far as I know, or as far as she looked. (Some tieflings may not display any outward devil/demonic appearances at all. Lucky bastards).

She had curly dark brown hair, and brown eyes. She had a scar on the left side of her face. A birth mark that ran down the length of her cheek. I remember that she had a particularly high pitched laugh and was a little on the lanky side. I wish I had known her for longer. Sometimes, I feel a great sadness and anger because she was taken from me when I was so young. I never got to know her as a person, but I believe she genuinely loved me. I remember that she would hold me, and sing to me at night.- Like most mothers probably do.

Even now, I feel a knot in my throat just thinking about her. I believe, to some degree, I once loved her dearly. That is.. Something very rare for me. I’m not.. Even sure that I remember what love is or how to love. But I do remember feeling very attached to her. She made me.. Happy. Truly happy. A very strong human emotion of positivity. That is.. The best that I can describe it.

When I lost her, I felt like a part of me had also been lost. I remember wandering the desert sometimes, looking for her. Calling her by her name that I cannot even remember now. Akta would come find me and take away, back to her home. Akta used to tell me that I would scream for my mother sometimes in my sleep and I would not stop until she came and sung to me.

I can’t help but feel I would be different if she hadn’t been taken from me.
Kent Delocke, bless his soul, told me the tale of how he lost his child. An adoptive daughter named Kira. He had to kill her in order to save her from a life of torture, forced bedding with horrible men, and slavery. He put the arrow in her skull himself whilst she was captured as he wasn’t able to fight all of her abductors off. My heart feels for him, truly. I know what it is to lose a parent, but to lose a child? I can’t.. Even begin to fathom the pain. And having to do it himself.. The amount of guilt he must feel.

I offered to kill every single one of her abductors for him. Though he admitted he had them killed.

That is very unfortunate, because I wouldn’t have killed them. No, I would have done what they threatened to do to her. Poetic justice at it’s finest. Torture and slavery. I feel as if these are fates worse than death. And that is what those men deserve.

We sat through the night talking about her and what happened. Over wine. I can’t help but feel like this was a date? Was it? I- don’t know. It felt like something. But, I do not know what. If it is, then I should feel guilty. Right?

I don’t know.

I really wish Akta had taught me a thing or two about social graces than with the sword. This is really causing me problems.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Mon Sep 11, 2017 6:37 pm

Valkyrie.


As I stood, looming, over the hin-criminal’s body this tenday, I could not help but think.. Must they always run?

Why is it that when one has done something wrong, they always run? Sometimes, they run and then fight... other times they do not care to do even try fighting. They know I will catch them, yet they run anyway despite there being no escape. I know their face. I know their name. Why do they believe, even if they get away this time, that I will not immediately run after them again at our next meeting?

Do they believe I will forget their crime?

Perhaps it is a bit of a cheesy analogy, but I am like a bloodhound. When I have a scent, I will not relent in my task to uphold vengeance and justice to the one who has wronged.

Plus.. it’s fun to hunt halflings. Since my time on this island, I have yet to meet ONE redeeming halfling. Every single one of them has either attempted to steal, lie, or insult me directly upon meeting. I have learned to grow a somewhat distaste or hatred for their kind. Me? Racist? I know. I never really thought I was someone like that. But, apparently, I am. I truly despise halflings. And my opinion will stay that way until I meet a halfling that does do the things I mentioned.

So when I come across a halfling that’s been caught stealing.. And then runs to avoid arrest.. I feel literal feelings of glee. I know. Bad Nehala. But I mean hey, can you really blame me? They’re barbaric adult-children people who resort to lying and stealing.

Seriously, why do they always run?
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:13 am

“Trust in the Lord of Three Thunders. Trust in Hoar and he will provide for his faithful.” - Theoros.
True Colors

My plans are finally coming together. Yes. My plans. Just because I don’t write about them in here doesn’t mean I don’t have them. What idiot would write their intentions in their own journal? A 15 year old girl? Ha. No.

But I feel like I can brag. So I will.

I am now the Knight-Commander of the Ordo Cordoria. I am now the Dragon (the term for the leader) of the Company of the Silver Drakes. And, I am now in possession of Elwood’s old home, the Nomad, and soon the guard barracks.

Make no mistake, this was not an accident. A tiefling becoming the knight-commander of a highly populated city? Haha, anyone who believes it fell into my lap are incompetent and naive. I have been planning this move since I met Arl and noticed his rather chaotic and uncaring disposition. Yes, since I was new to the island.

I knew Arl was corrupt. I could sense it in my bones, in my gut. So was Elwood, and most of his platform. Aside from Snow. She seems too naive to be filled in on his evil and treachery. I am certain she was just as much a victim of Elwood as any others in the city. Elwood prevented the refugees from being integrated into Cordor. He encouraged a rebellion among them. He had people kill refugees, he had them poisoned. He dealt with underdarkers and he ran the thieves guild located out of the Clover after Ortega left. How do you think he got his votes, imaginary reader?

His competition was Faeren. Anyone would take a corrupt thieving wizard over a pretentious arsehole who thinks the world revolves around her and her little self-righteous power trips. Seriously. She’s a literal terrorist and she thinks she is the good guy because she is a mom now? What an idiot. What an actual, legitimate, idiot. I hope Hoar grants me the power to smite her should I ever meet her.

We’re getting off track.

Anyway, he had that as his competition. Obviously he’d win.

But now he’s inactive. I have my evidence. I have my witnesses. Even Varg admitted to them all being Vile pieces of crap. It is the time to strike. Chancellorship will not be Elwood’s anymore. No. His inactivity has caused his downfall. And when he is no longer chancellor, I will have him exiled and publically defamed for his crimes.

“But Nehala! That’s treason!” you say, imaginary reader.

Not when he no longer has an ounce of power. Not when he is no longer representing the crown. He will be replaced.

I have the votes. I have earned people’s respect. I have both the Drakes and the Ordo behind me. I will be finding a candidate that I can stand behind.

Snow?

No. Bless her heart. I care about Snow. I actually do. The Madame Vice has earned a place in my soul for being the sweet, kind woman that she is. I truly envy her. What I do not envy is what she has become as a victim to Thron. Yes, she is a victim. This man has manipulated her. Used her. Blinded her from his corruption using her love for him against her. He cruelly has used her like no person should ever use a significant other. As much as I care for the Madame Vice, she is the weakest link in Elwood’s pantheon.

Snow is too iffy with decisions. She cannot stand on her own very well and needs support. Of course, everyone needs support. But she cannot do it without literally anyones other second opinion. I believe she feels she must keep up this charade for the good of the people. She truly believes she’s helped Cordor over these years. But this is not the truth.. she’s only helped nurture the plague that infects the city. Her faults lie in her inability to see through her love and inability to make hard decisions. I do not blame her for this.. But I cannot allow this city to be run by someone unwilling to truly lead well. She will not win this next election. There are too many people working against her, unbeknownst to her.

Unless, you know, magically some voters who haven’t been seen in months show up out of nowhere to give her support when she needed it most.

Even if that did happen... I believe I have secured enough votes for my selected candidate to win the election. My only worry is another random will join and split the voting pool.


But just who am I going to support? Ah, ah, ah, my little imaginary reader. That would be telling. Where is the fun in that?
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Wed Sep 20, 2017 4:04 am, edited 1 time in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Wed Sep 13, 2017 9:05 pm

Horns


Vadrien...
Vadrien. Vadrien. Vadrien. Vadrien. Vadrien. Vadrien. Vadrien. Vadrien. Vadrien....
VADRIEN.

Am I being played?

I am constantly asking myself this. This man, he is like me. I can't help but wonder... is his blood acting against mine? Does he seek to undermine me? Is he a threat to my authority? Am I letting him pull my strings?

He doesn't speak the same tongue I do. This both excites and concerns me... when I met him on the streets... I knew it would be an exciting run. I cannot help but worry.. that he is lying to me.

I am no fool. I know he is hiding things from me.


Personally? I suspect maskarran. Yes, the god I am sired from.

(Oh yes. I narrowed it down. 89% sure Mask is my bloodlines sire. 11% sure it's bhaal..)

I'm not blind to the temptations of my blood. In fact, I hold two attunement potions in my bag.. I know where they go... they press in my bag like hot coal, begging me to drink one.. to visit the plane of my sire. To learn from him. Yes I am tempted.
I have the urge to find a priest now. To learn more.


I expressed this to Vadrian. I think he knows that if he connects me to a priest.. I will figure out his connection to the church. He is cunning, but he is naive. I am better at this game than him.

He's dropped hints that I believe he doesn't even realize. Hints I drew from him. Call me cold.. but i directed intimate conversations to derive the truth from him.. I expressed my desire to have a normal life. His reaction?

“What you desire is a Family, then?”

I'm not blind.
He shadow steps so easily.. My blood boils with jealousy for his ability.

And yet I can't bring myself to expose him more. I believe I genuinely care for him.. not as my squire but as someone close. A friend?
I'm not sure yet.

I find myself genuinely smiling in his presence. I have the urge to nurture him. Watch him grow. Lift him up. But.. if he is maskarran.. are these feelings true? Or is my sire trying to use me to further his faithful? Was I meant to be my sires champion?

He tells me why he hides them. He grew up in a dark place because of a horrible parent.

What tiefling hasn't had a terrible parent? I get it.

I want to make him proud of his horns. They aren't a curse, they're gifts. Tools to use. An advantage over the humans that they can never have. What sets us apart. We are smarter. We are faster. We are stronger.

Call me arrogant, but a well disciplined tiefling is four times better than any human. We experience the roughness of life. It hardens us. We understand what it means to be hurt, to be hit, to be kicked, to be poor, to have nothing. We have to dig and claw our way to the top through tooth and blood. We are never given easy lives. We have to make the hard decisions. And when we find love, it is all the more sweeter to us. Friendship is all the more important. Perhaps we have a bad streak, but you know what? So does every human.

I wish I could show him.. he doesn't need to be afraid. If he didn't let anyone stomp on him, he could have anything he wanted. Look at me?

I started with nothing. But it worked hard. I planned. I fought tooth and nail.. and now I own half of Cordor. I am the knight-commander.
I am the servant who keeps them safe and in line.

No, I am not humble. I understand this is a flaw I must deal with. But at least I am honest. With both myself and others.

A small part of me questions.. what is he hiding from me? Does it matter?

I care for him. He is apart of my family.

What if he betrays me?

I don't want to kill him..
Last edited by The Salt Elemental on Fri Sep 15, 2017 10:07 am, edited 2 times in total.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Wed Sep 13, 2017 9:09 pm

IF SNOW TOUCHES MY BARRACKS AGAIN, SO HELP ME HOAR I AM GOING TO-

.....

I need to stop anger-writing.

But seriously. This woman. She has done nothing but step on my toes since I became commander. When she is no longer Chancellor, she will be banned from the barracks. I do not need a housewife to do my spring cleaning.
It. Is. Driving. Me. Fecking. Bonkers.

Okay, I understand she needs something to do, but she needs to leave me and my barracks alone. She needs to stop intruding on my decisions as the knight-commander. I was put here for a reason. I am perfectly capable of making well reasoned decisions without emotion.

Allow me to list her transgressions:

1. She waited 5 tendays before she replaced my name with Arls on the official roster. And guess what? She didn't even do it. Elwood Thron changed it. And guess what? When he went to do to... SHE STOPPED HIM.
She is so obvious it's unreal. She doesn't want me as the commander. Because she knows she can't control me. I am not her lackey. I'm not a man that will succumb to her womanly ways. She never intended to change it. She was going to wait to elections. Probably to fire me. Tough luck, snow. I'm winning. Check mate.

2. Every lovely decision she has to get a second opinion on. Nothing grates my gears more than a non-decision maker in an authority position. She's incompetent. She is better serving as a mother than a leader. She may be my friend, but like hells will I not speak the truth.

3. She has stepped on my toes on always EVERY decision I make. I seized the Keep from Amras. I seized the boat from amras. I demoted her to squire and arrested her for treason. SHE TRIED TO HIJACK MY DAMN BOAT.
ARE YOU SERIOUS SNOW?

AND THEN SHE ACTUALLY DID BEFORE WE WERE ABLE TO CHANGE IT TO JORIAN'S POSESSION!

I am writing angrily again.. damn it bad Nehala. Do not show bias.

4. She reorganized MY BARRACKS without my permission!

5. She promoted squires to knights without an acting knight commander. Amras treason is HER fault partly. She promoted Amras because Amras kissed Snuggybear to her. Snow is not unbiased.

6. She attempted to choose a commander, jorian, who has been more inactive than arl and doesn't want the position over me who has been the most active and most ambitious.

7. I frighten her because I remind her of Varg. Tough cookies snow. Varg is a damn good leader. You are not. Learn from him. He makes the tough choices.

Gods she is so infuriating. She is like a naive flower girl child waving around her hand and bossing people around.

I'm sorry. I care for her. I pity her as a victim of Elwood. But she needs to learn that government is not where she belongs. She belongs in a medical ward saving hurt people. Not wasting her talents in politics where she knows nothing.

You know nothing, Snow Emil.

I'm sorry. But as your friend, this is the truth.


If only I could say that without being completely fired. Once elections are over, I will be truthful on this front. As she won't have a place in government.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Wed Sep 20, 2017 4:04 am

Treason.


I didn’t have to do anything. Carla Demachio dug her own grave and lied down in it. Who knew the woman was such a closet racist?

I actually had no plans to exile or do anything with this woman. Before this tenday, she was nothing more than an unimportant, inactive city works chair. I figured that once Kent became Chancellor, or someone else, she would simply be fired and move off into oblivion. I’d never see her again. Or care.

She just *had* to go and use me to try and drive her campaign. I understand that I have people upset with me. I have made hard decisions. And not all are happy with those hard decisions and this results in their negative feelings towards me.... As if they could do better.

She made the mistake of breaking the law, in front of me. I do not have the energy to repeat the whole conversation here but I will state her charges.
Slander, obstruction, low treason, and high treason.

-Slander for her blatant racist comments towards my race and her accusation of me arresting her to fuel Kent’s campaign.

-Obstruction for resisting arrest three times, attempting to run once, and finally ignoring all 12 times of my telling her to cooperate and go to the jailhouse.

-Low Treason as a city chair, all criminal charges are counted as low treason.

-High Treason for her threat on my life and then later taking out Assassin contracts on Kent, me, Amras, Mae, and Snow.

I can’t help but wonder if she is apart of the Eclipse. She was entirely absent throughout the whole time as the Civil Works Chair.. Yet she randomly shows up for elections? It’s fishy... I am glad I no longer have to ever deal with her. I don’t intend to lift her exile. Not until she’s proven to not be a terrible member of society, or racist. If she wants to see a devil-spawn.. I’ll show her a devil-spawn.
...
On the topic of idiots who think they have more power or a higher moral ground than me, let’s talk about Ragart.

Ragart, Ragart, Ragart.

What an idiot.

I am actually.. Deeply hurt by his words and his betrayal. I am the one who vouched for him, brought him into the fold that is Magistrate. I now regret this. He was not what I initially thought him to be. A simple disagreement between us and he suddenly turns on me 360.

Snow wanted to put a system of checks and balances in place that completely undermined the authority of the chancellor. The problem with that is that the Chancellor has complete and utter control over the entire government. The Chancellor is the king’s word. You cannot undermine him or her. It is considered high treason as you will be undermining the King himself.

Apparently, I was the only one with enough common sense in the room to know this. It wasn’t until I had to verbally state this to Kent that Kent brought it up to the group and ‘everyone’ seemed surprised.
I had told snow, I would not honor the checks and balances. Because they undermine the King’s Edict, his rule. I thought she would have realised this. - But no. Ragart took this as me being chaotic and unfit to rule the Ordo. What a fecking idiot. Newsflash, I am the most active and passionate person to be leading. The only other two options is Jorian and Kent. Both of which, expressly stated they did not want the position.

Everyone wants to complain about what I do... but when it comes down to it, would they have the ability to make the hard decisions I do? To deal with the day to day headache that I do? To lead is to serve. It’s not to boss people around. I take my personal time and push it back in favor of matters of the state. Yes. Everyone wants to complain. But they don’t want to do the job themselves.


Anyway, I’m getting off topic.

Ragart.


I had thought.. He was the exception to my perception of small-folk (Hin, dwarves, gnomes.)
But he has proved me wrong in my hope that at least one person out of his race is reasonable and level headed. This man is not. He twisted words and events to suite him, to degrade me.. To betray me.

I will not admit this.. But I cried last night. I had.. Considered him someone I could possibly grow to trust in government. I should have known better. I should have known I can’t count on people to be as they say they are.

I should have known better.

As a side note. I added names to my unintelligent and intelligent list.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Thu Sep 21, 2017 9:11 am


Hatred.

People hate what they do not know. They hate what they can’t trust. They hate what is unreliable in their minds. Unpredictability.

I believe this is the base reason my race is hated so much. Not because of the demons, or the devil, blood part. But because our blood makes us unpredictable. A little evil always whispering, always tempting us to murder, maim, or thieve. We have the potential for so much more. For things unknown to the average human mind.

And this, is scarey. It is scarey that we have a factor built in our blood that humans simply cannot predict.

It is a break from a structure that they have built in their heads. The way they believe their society should run. And if something breaks that structure, they get upset. Like children. They whine and they cry to their proverbial mother, the chancellor, or father, the King.

I loathe this about people. When they become regressed to nothing more than babbling sheep.

Sheep should know better than to mess with a lion.

There is a pause in the writing.

Where was I going with this?

Oh right.

I know people will hate me for my decisions. They won’t understand at first. But.. eventually. I believe they will learn to come to terms with it. Just like Ragart.

This section of the journal bares a letter written somewhat hastily in another person’s handwriting. From the stark and stocky way the words are written, one could infer it was a mans.
To Nehala,
I wanted to say this all during our brief and sadly constantly interrupted meeting, so you would see the sincerity in my words. I do believe in you and I meant nothing to be malicious, but rather an eye-opener, so you may take careful step in your actions.

People are not like you and me. We say what is on our minds. Others, especially who have contempt for you, will not. They will show you a warm smile, but in their hearts they want you gone. I know you know this as a tiefling. I know that feeling isn't foreign to you at all.

My concern lies with you being removed from knight-commander sooner than you imagined. I am not saying it's going to happen, but I'm not going to pretend I don't understand how the game of politics works.

Nehala, you are a wonderful woman, tiefling, however you wish to be seen. I know you genuinely want the best of things. I genuinely want to see you succeed, because no one else is willing to do anything. Just be smart. If you need counsel, I'll lend my ear happily, but I need you to honestly heed it.


- Ragart Spellsteel
Hour 18, Day 25, Month 2, Year 133
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:52 am

Child of Darkness.


My head is spinning. It's buzzing.
I hear his voice and I listen. He called to me. Yes.. yes he did. I know he did. I was so close. I could feel my sire.


I know I sound crazy. I know.. but I can't help it.


I finally made it inside the maskarran temple. I dare not write how, I do not wish to implicated it should anyone ever steal this journal from me.

Gods, my imaginary reader. I felt so close to my sire. I know, for certain, who it is. This is the god I descend from. I am sure of it now. I had never.. felt so at home in the shadows. So safe. When I placed my hand on his altar, I felt the shadows flood over me. It was as if something inside of me woke up.
I feel high. I am not sure if it's adrenaline.. or something else. But I couldn't help myself. I stood inside my home for a few hours just basking in the darkness. It was where I was meant to be. I know it was. This was the fate Akta kept me from. She is the one who taught me to embrace what I am.. not to hide behind a mask like I wanted to.

I can't tell anyone. No one more than those who already know. What would people say? They would accuse me of trying to control Cordor for masks glory. I know the maskarrans controlled Cordor under Elwood. I don't want this to happen. Cordor is my home..

But I cannot deny how I feel. My blood calls me back to the shadows. Back to that plane. I want to dance in them. I want to embrace them. I think I will go back. I will find a place for myself to honor my sire.
...
Nehala, you must stick to your morals, your beliefs. Hoar is your god. The Assuran will keep you safe. He will watch over you. He walked this plane, he is real.

I know in my heart this is true.. but I cannot deny the pull I feel towards the shadows. I was meant to become them.

I know he has been there for me. The urges. The strings I know to instinctively pull. The power was gained from his influence. I know he helped me where I am today. My skills were gained from him.

I learned to work people. To inspire them.. from him. It wasn't my lessons. It was the voice in the back of my head whispering to me. It would always speak to me..Telling me how, teaching me. I always thought.. maybe my mind just made this voice up to counteract not having a father figure growing up.
Now I can't help but feel like it wasn't that. I can't help.. but feel like it was him.

I don't know. I pray to the Doombringer that my sire does not cast his influence on me further. I could lose.. everything.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Fri Sep 22, 2017 8:16 am

Sickness.

Sometimes, I wonder if I will die of sickness, or if I will die in battle. I don't plan on dying. Not for a very long time. Even if I must use magic to do it. I know that I have a lot of time given my blood. I will stay younger longer. I am stronger because of it.

But sickness.. it is not something that one expects. It just comes up on you like a silent assassin, slowly sticking the blade in more and more.

I am not sure that.. I actually care that snow is sick or not. I do consider her a friend. Yes, this is true. But I am not sure if I trust her. How can I be certain that she didn't know about Thron’s malicious plans? How can I know she has been truthful with me?

I can't prove anything.

I believe she worked herself too much. That this is the cause of the illness. I know elves can exhaust themselves too quickly, but I wasn't aware they actually were affected by common illness. She simply fainted on the road.

At first, I honestly thought she was pregnant. I mean.. she and lacroix have been um.. ‘together’ for a while now. I mean, it happens right? I've heard of pregnant women having fainting spells.

Apparently this was not the case. Most looked at me like I was crazy. I thought it was a perfectly reasonable explanation? Why are people so weird about stuff like that?

I am getting off topic.

My point is that sickness is the silent killer that eventually gets us all. Succumbing to old age? That's your organs giving out to a sickness it's been unable to prevent due to age.

My adopted mother, Akta, succumbed to sickness.

She was a strong, proud woman who wanted nothing more than to settle down. But she did not know how to open up her heart. In her older years, she resigned to this fact. Sometimes, I think she wished I had been a normal girl when she found me. I think she would have come to love me sooner than she did had I been a normal human.

Akta was a harsh woman. But I know deep down she did love me. One time, when I was no older than 15 summers, on the cusp of adulthood, we ended practice early. It was unlike her to end practice early. She was a very orderly woman and time was not something she liked to waste.
She quietly walked with me to the market. The whole time there, I couldn't help but feel confused. And scared that she would abandon me. But she didn't.
Instead she brought me to a weapons stand and told me, “Pick one.”
I spent the whole afternoon carefully, meticulously, going through every weapon. Each spear, crossbow, longsword, bastard sword, scimitar, you name it, I picked up and tested. When I had finally decided on the scimitar, she smiled at me. It was not because I had chosen her same preferred weapon. It was not because it was a cruel trick to raise my hopes. In fact, she simply paid for it.

When we got back home, she placed her hands on my shoulders and told me,

“Nehala, my little warrior, there will be a day and a time where I will not be able to teach you anymore.
This is perhaps the hardest lesson to learn in life. You will always lose things you love. I will lose you someday, and you will lose me. But this does not mean that all hope is lost.
For when one thing is lost, another is gained. You will make a new family some day. It may not be here, it may be. But you will come to love someone new. And you will care for them as I have cared for you all these years.
Wherever you go, you keep this blade with you. Because it is my gift to you. Not as your teacher, but as your mother. This is the token of my love. Wear it on your sleeve.”


This was the only time that she ever told me how she felt. But it is the strongest memory I have of her. I can remember every detail of her soft green eyes. The way her hardened expression fell and she let her guard down.
She was a rough woman, but she did have a heart. I respected her for it.

But she succumbed to sickness too.

Eventually, she became.. Senile. Delirious.. To the point where she didn’t even recognize me. My last memory of her was her.. Attempting to kill me. She had.. Come to forget who I was. And.. believed I was a demon coming to steal her riches and her soul. The night she died, I woke up to her above me with her scimitar.

Sickness kills everyone eventually. Not even I will avoid this. Eventually I’ll succumb too.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Mon Sep 25, 2017 8:20 am

Lies.

Humans, elves, dwarves, halflings.. we all lie.
It's a fundamental universal trait that all races have. It doesn't discriminate. Betrayal, deceit, these are as common and freely given as love or happiness. And if someone tells you differently?

They’re lying.


Everyone has lied. At least once. And they all come in all shapes, forms, and for different reasons. From telling your fellow kin, one of the People, that you don't think their pointed elvish ears are too long and that horrible ugly yellow dress looks marvelous on them... to telling someone who has confessed undying love for you that you love them back even if it's not true to save their hurt feelings....or to misleading someone using manipulation and deceit to get what you want.
Like any instrument or tool, they can be used for the betterment/good of people, or they could be used against people for the worse. Lies can be told for mercy. They can be told for love. They can save lives, and.. they can destroy them.

A lie is a powerful thing. It is something you must not wield around so heavily. Because lying is a double edged sword. There is a price to pay for doing it. Whether that price be guilt or losing the trust of another, you must always pay it at some point.
It's like pacting with a devil. Sure you'll get what you want or do what you need to.. but eventually it will come back to bite you in the arse.

That's why I don't use lies to get what I want.

You see, lying is appealing. It's like a sword made out of gold. It looks shiney and pretty, but when you go to actually hit something with it, it becomes brittle and breaks the more you use it because gold is a highly malleable metal. Lies are brittle and easily malleable too. Sure they seem like the easy way out, but they can easily be chopped through, found out, and proven wrong.

People underestimate this. They lie out of instinct. They think they'll get away with it.

This is why I do not use lies. It’s a useless tool. And like a gold sword, I throw useless tools away. The truth, now that.. That is a greater tool. The Truth can be used as well as a hell-steel sword. Sharp and deep does it cut. It exposes those who use lies. And like hell-steel it’s strong and resilient to outside pressure or damage. You cannot harm the truth, because it is simply fact. Half-truths are like.. Iron. They are durable and able to cut through things.. But if you apply enough heat, it will melt. I use half-truth’s sparingly.
A tiefling that does not lie. Strangely, this doesn’t go against my nature. Considering my sire is the Lord of Shadows.. Who is in direct opposition to Cyric, the jester of lies.. I am really not surprised. Another reason I use half-truth’s sparingly.


When someone uses lies and deceit to get something they want, I enjoy splitting it apart. But.. when my own companions.. Those that I love and care for use such things against me....

It cuts deeper than a damask blade. Deep into my very soul.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive Kent. It would be hypocritical not to. There are things I hide from even him. But.. I can’t help but feel hurt. He tricked me. Beat me at my own game. I didn’t see it coming... My affection blinded me just as it did Mae. I suppose I should give him kudos for that. But then I want to wrangle his neck for almost killing Mae. I couldn’t do anything whilst I watch her very essence, her soul, slip away on the ground. Wounded from heartache. I knew elves could.. Opt out. I didn’t realise Mae would if Kent ever... I haven’t seen her. I’m worried. She’s been missing. I’m scared she went to the forest and.. Died. What do I do? Do I erect a stone in her honor? Do I scorn Kent for the rest of his days? Do I forgive him?

Theoros says not to. Which is odd. Because he is usually the voice of reason. I believe it’s because he knows how much Kent hurt me.

I am... relieved Pierce is High Chancellor. He’s my brother. My family. I know he’ll take care of me. If he dismissed me, I would not be upset. Because I know it would be a good judgement call. It wouldn’t be from corruption or because people wanted him to. It would be because he genuinely believed I no longer was fit for duty.

And that.. That is comforting. I love Pierce. Just As I love Theoros. As I love Vadrien. They mean the most to me. My strengths and my weaknesses. Because they are family. And Family is most important.


In other news, a new paladin group rolled into town. Can’t wait til the anti-racial laws kick in. It’ll be fun punching that racist woman in the face. I’m not a demon or a devil. But I will be your worst nightmare lady!

Ha~!

Joking. Maybe. Not really..


[The next part is scribbled as a reminder in quick paced handwriting.]

Not to self: Contact Ragart and a woman named Ellie. They wanted to talk to you.


Also, have some people follow that new tiefling, Damon. I wont have trouble-makers ruining a life for me and Vadrien just because they want to cause chaos. If he wants to start trouble, I will squash him.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
Posts: 153
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Mon Sep 25, 2017 9:58 pm

Envy.

Dear imaginary reader, am I evil?

I know. Stupid question.

Of course not.

I just have.. serious problems. You know, blood and all.... Man, I really drill that into your head, don't I?

It's not like I can really help it. Why can't I just stop talking about it? I think that’s a pretty simple answer. Because, it shapes every aspect of my life. I guess writing about it just.. helps. It's like someone seriously depressed or dealing with a mental illness. It just helps me cope with the fact that I was born stuck with this.. thing.. and I have to deal with it.

Sometimes, I doubt myself. (Who doesn’t? Hence the question.) There are humans who believe themselves more righteous and better than I. All because they were blessed with having normal blood. Maybe to an extent, they’re right. They aren’t cursed with something inherently evil piggy backing on them. Hey, if I could remove the blood, I would. But I’m stuck with it.

You know what? Screw them.

Humans have just as much a capacity for evil that I do. Humans and tieflings are not so much different on the inside you know! I have seen some humans do some seriously messed up crap. From harming and traumatizing small humans, painting walls in blood and feces, to literally summoning and serving demons!

Are you serious? Unnamed self righteous, snobby female paladin? Are you so stupid as to believe that me the one woman trying to actively NOT hurt anyone with my urges is going to be worse than people like THAT? Take the damned Hanged God Servant for example, Jason Duranga.

This arsehole murdered innocent people! Dozens of them! On the road! And for what reason?? Because he liked it. Because he wanted to. Because his god demanded it.

And you're gonna sit there in my bar and call ME the carrion eater? The Cur? The Scum? You’re the scum lady. Judging someone before you even give them a chance.

You know what? I’m gonna call that paladin woman Hilda. No one likes the name Hilda. Yeah. From no on, paladin-wench is gonna be named Hilda. And her male companion is gonna be Bert. Bert Snatchwhistle. Because that’s a ridiculous and slightly insulting name.


...
Ugh. Come on now Nehala. You’re acting like a damn child.

Man, I'm getting soft. I should have a thicker hide than this. Why are her words getting to me so easily? Has my time with my family weakened me? Akta always said I should be careful with those I let close to me. Perhaps I was naive to think I could create a place prejudice free place to live. Somewhere I could at least pretend to have a normal life..

Gods. If there was anything I could ever have in my life, I’d want to have a normal life. I would trade anything to be able to be free of this burden. Does that really make me evil? I mean.. I am a person too..

[There is a pause in the writing, as if the writer of this peculiar journal had sat back in thought or perhaps stopped to do something else. The writing above seems to be written with slightly erratic strokes, suggesting one emotionally distraught. The wording below seems to have been written after the author had calmed down a little. The letters were nice and neat. Orderly.]

I want kids, imaginary reader. I want a normal life. I want a picket fence and a garden. I want to laugh about stupid things like my kids and their friends getting into trouble by pulling pranks.. Or simply to wake up and talk about the weather to my neighbor. I want a house and furniture. I want to be able to sit by a fire at night and lose myself to fantasies of other worlds and realms. I want to be able to walk the streets and not hear children scream in fear or a woman faint at my sight.

Imaginary reader, I was never born for this life. My personality has been slashed and hardened. I’ve been beaten and bruised into submission. My blood, my upbringing... this is what turned me into what I am today. If I had been normal I.. probably would be some merchants wife somewhere, raising her children and worrying about what items need to be stocked.

Is it really too much to ask? For a place to build that I can feel safe and secure like every other person? Is that not what every reasonable, good person deserves? Yes, I think it is.

Of course.. You may ask. Why not go somewhere where there are others of my kind? That’s.. Pretty obvious I think. A society of tiefling simply couldn’t exist. We’d all kill each other. We’d either not trust each other too much, or there would be a devil/demon feud originating in our blood. So.. that’s not an option for me. Or Vadrien.

But maybe if I could find myself.. a place where I can be me... I am so tired, imaginary reader. I'm so tired of fighting. It's all I've ever known. I see all these other women having kids and getting married.. I see them loving their husbands and basking in the sun. I am so envious sometimes.

Perhaps it isn't Hilda the Paladin’s words that are getting to me. Perhaps it is that she has everything I want.. and instead of living it out, she spends her time mocking me with everything I so desperately desire.

I mean hells. This morning I was contemplating ways to see her removed from my city.

Am I really evil? Do I really deserve that treatment, imaginary reader? I am a soul longing for a place to belong. And that is denied to me.. Why? Because my ancestors decided to have some nightly fun with a god? How is this my fault? How is any of it my fault? How am I evil? All of these questions seem to constantly encircle my life. Like carrion eaters. Vultures. Sigils of dread that only permeate in my mind.

The worst part is... if I complain? I'm weak. I look weak. And they will pounce on it like lions to steak.

There is no winning for me. There is only surviving.

... I will change this. I will change it if it's the last breath I draw. I will receive those Paladins respect. I don't care what it takes. If I have to kill Paush himself I will.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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The Salt Elemental
Posts: 153
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Re: Gift of Brutality

Post by The Salt Elemental » Tue Oct 03, 2017 1:55 am

Charity and Worry.


I was disappointed with the turnout. The crowd was perhaps not as big as I had hoped, but there were enough to raise a good bit of gold. About 50,000 crowns in total was raised for the slummers of Cordor. I guess that's a good price. I was hoping to raise more, but I suppose I didn't do enough advertising. Maybe the timing was off..

I was never good at party planning.

Sometimes I wish I hadn't taken commander. I wouldn't have to deal with people. I could just do what I want. - but I have to stay here. No one else is going to step up and keep them safe.


Why do I keep them safe?


Why do I keep them safe?

... I don't know.

What's my motive?

I don't know.

I thought it was to fit in. I thought it was to create a better place where I can live. Where I can be normal.. where I can grow old and die. Without fear.

Is this really the way to make it so?

I don't know.
But I'm trying.

I desperately am trying. I am doing my best.

I know I am. If I doubt myself then it leads to weakness. I can't be weak.

I am having a hard time discerning between my own desires and my blood lately. I can't discern what I want. I think visiting the shadow plane was a bad idea. As if something followed me back. I should never have gone. Why did I need to figure out my sire? Because I want to know what happened. Where I am from.

I am at a stopping point. I was able to use the knowledge to trace it back to the mainland but.. I find I do not want to go anymore. This endless quest to find my father, my bloodline.. I seem to no longer care. My focus is solely on my family now. I see my dream in sight and it is so close. I have hope. I have hope I can live normally. It's like I've been wandering through a tunnel and finally I see the light. A husband. Kids. A home for myself. All I need is assured safety. And then I can finally... relax.

But I don't want to yet.

Even though I see my dreams in hand, I know I can't take it now. I can't leave the tunnel just yet. There are other things I must do. More duties. More responsibilities. I can't leave this job without fixing things. Just like every guard commander before me. I need to fix it. I need to. I can't abandon them.

But I think I am making excuses.

I don't think I want to settle down yet.
Isn't it ironic... I could do so if I wanted, but I can'tjsjdklxz

Hoar, are you exacting justice on me? Do I deserve what I'm going through?

To have my dream in my grasp.. only to not be able to reach for it. It feels poetic.

Is this justice?

[There is a pause in the writing, suggesting the writer stopped for a while.]

I have demoted Jorian back to first knight. He's not shouldering any work and I need someone to shoulder my work load. I already have to ignore quite a bit of speedies as is.. I have selected Triah to take his place. She has he experience, the know how.. her Oakenhearts numbered in the 50s at one point. A good number for this island.

And the best part is she's human. A homely, mother type. She is excellent for second in command, lieutenant. Most importantly? I trust her to make sound decisions. She is not around as me but she IS active. Better, she's more active at times when I rest. Therefore she is able to recruit for a wide number of people I cannot normally contact.

In other news, I got khabul to stop at least for a brief moment.

I made an error. Pierce was extremely upset with me. However, I cannot say that it is entirely my fault- even if I will take responsibility for it all. Their lack of communication with me caused khabul to gain an upper hand. I scried him and then confronted him on the trader's route. It was my goal to use diplomacy to get him to stop. The man may be a killer but he is reasonable. Reasonable I can work with.

I knew he had people in the shadows there with him. I was very much aware that had it come to blows, Olivia or celestial could have perished. Perhaps it was an error on my part to not go alone. I did put them in harm's way, even if I didn't intend for the confrontation to end in bloodshed. Of course it didn't. Because I am excellent at negotiation.

He was out there looking for slaves. New adventures to kill or capture. I knew that to be true. I didn't know Gareth had already issued an exile on khabul. When I spoke with him, I informed him that he hadn't been on the exile list since Matthew took the treasury. This much is true. I checked that list religiously. Both he and Rhaeg were never readded. Even after snow said khabul would be.

This gave him pause. And I established trust. A good thing.
Eventually I was able to talk him down into unwarding. I didn't sweat. I knew he would do this.

Khabul and I. We speak the same language. Or at least I used to speak his.


I was a mercenary too. I grew up leading the life he did. And I knew how to get him to back down. Not with money, but by making him think he was picking. That it was his choice. And that he had the upper ground.
I acknowledged he'd broken the laws during his unexiled state. He seemed to understand the error and my complication. And so I told him,

“I will give you a choice between two options. A set amount of time of exile equal to the crimes committed, or a permanent parish status. If you choose the pariah status and violate the law it will result in permanent exile.”

He did not draw weapon.

I knew he wouldn't.

He's not stupid. He knew I was attempting to come to a solution that worked without anyone getting hurt. I made him think he had the power. And for an arrogant, egocentric man like that- that is everything to him. To gratify his power. It is also the easiest way to manipulate him.

I was within my right to exact punishment. I just didn't know Gareth already had. And that is where I err’d. By giving this option.. It undermined Pierce and Gareth’s authority. Even if I hadn’t known. I am very surprised I am not fired to be honest. I made a mistake, but it could have been costly.

I worry about Pierce’s decision. Bendir, Myon, and Brog be damned. We shouldn’t care about what they thing right now. What matters is keeping people safe. That is what matters. And if that means compromising and making Khabul just a Pariah? I feel like that is worth so much more. When did politics come before lives? When did relation with other cities matter when people are being enslaved, tortured, and killed?

That’s the thing. It doesn’t. It doesn’t matter more. But Gareth and Pierce have decided that people, innocent lives, don’t matter. What matters to them is Khabul being hunted like a dog and killed. Stopped.

I offered a solution to solve the problem. It was a hard decision. One I made. They may not like it, but I did it to save the many. This man is known to take on ten and come out unscathed. What can you do to a man like that? Nothing. You can do nothing but compromise or kill.

Don’t they realize that the moment he realizes they won't lift his exile, he will continue this massacre? He will target new adventurers. He'll go for the weak. The helpless..

He’ll target innocent people like Burgendy. Someone I JUST painstakingly helped to be free of Khabul’s collar and the Wizard’s influence.. And it’ll be The Maid all over again.

And whose blood will be on who’s hands?

It won’t be on mine. That’s for certain. I tried to prevent this.

It’ll be on my brothers.


I worry for him.
"We rise and we fall
and we break
and we make our mistakes
and if there's a reason
I'm still alive
when so many have died,
then I'm willing' to wait for it."

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