Journal of Darkness...

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DarkDreamer
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Journal of Darkness...

Post by DarkDreamer » Sat Jun 03, 2017 6:19 am

When they tell you to keep a journal, one expects happy thoughts, grand memories to fill them to look back upon in ones elder years. I wish I could say that in twenty years I would look back on this and laugh, but I doubt I will be alive in twenty years. Nevermind looking back to find anything good in it.

So lets see, first I was born to malarite parents that hated me for refusing to be a priest, escaped them with my sister, Came to Cordor and saved Aeriel who in turn set me on the path of Hoar with Ryth, when that wasn't working out, I moved onto Tempus through Duncan and joined the guard with Aurora who had become my wife through a strange series of events.

Then I met Sarina Dragonson, I don't truly know what draws me to her, why I am bound and determined to follow her to the depths of hell and back again. Do I love her? Quite possibly, though I doubt she even considers me beyond a loyal servant and follower. Regardless, Shauna separated us for a time being, but when Sarina fled to the Underdark, I knew I had to follow her. I did so as well, earning me an exile across the surface, accusations of being a werewolf from Jadoth and a bounty on my head of 50,000 gold.

The question remains though, do I care about anything up there anymore? Or do I really just want to watch everything burn? Sure others have come to me....one that really surprised me. I won't name them incase this is ever found, but I will not leave Sarina, not when she needs me the most. Besides the collar, I am comfortable, its not great, but its better then nothing. Hopefully in time the collar will come off, and once again I can stand at her side with some measure of pride....for now though, I am just some dog on a leash at her beck and call....one I will always answer.







DarkDreamer
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Re: Journal of Darkness...

Post by DarkDreamer » Sun Jun 04, 2017 4:08 am

I spent the day staring at the sea as I sat on the shores of Sibayad, contemplating my life, my family, my children. I told Aurora long ago I never wanted to be a parent, that I would be a horrible father, that I knew nothing about being a parent, yet she pushed and pushed and pushed, telling me her life would not be complete without it. I wonder if its what she planned it would be? Part of me wants to send them far away, leave her a note but send them far away for their own good.

I care for Aurora but I am hardly good for her. I am not as devoted to her as I should be and I know this. There is little I can do about it though. I just dont feel drawn to her that way as I once might did. I will have to decide the fate of Ryko and Aeriel, because I know she won't easily, not for whats best for them.

Why is choosing whats best for them harder then whats best for me?






DarkDreamer
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Re: Journal of Darkness...

Post by DarkDreamer » Sun Jun 04, 2017 1:39 pm

It seems the decision was made for me, I can never see my children again, or her. She has hidden them from me as though I would harm them. She then sent me a notice of divorce, as if I needed that now. I broke my normal rule, I wound up drinking last night, I don't remember much of it. I know Sarina showed up, I know we talked. I just don't remember about what or what was said, that's all a blur. I woke up in an alley, quickly found a place to clean up and take that wretched taste from my mouth. I normally never drink, because I don't have as good control of my emotions or controlling my thoughts. I am sure Sarina will have words for me later. But for now, I cannot face her, bad enough I have to face this collar.








DarkDreamer
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Re: Journal of Darkness...

Post by DarkDreamer » Tue Jun 06, 2017 5:11 am

Jealousy takes many forms, only now do I realize with some hesitation, I am jealous of Sarina as much as I care for her. How many ran to her, tried to rescue her, wanted to save her from the darkness for her very brief time here in Arelith. I was here at least three times that, and yet only two people even looked my way, my now ex wife, and another that doesn't truly care if I choose to be good or evil. No one came to try and lead me away, no one cares that I am here, or my suffering, or that I cannot be on the surface now without it burning my eyes.

I stand here on guard as she speaks with her guest, they speak of her life and where it stands, that she should try and focus on something other then the darkness and anger that begins to consume her..something like knitting, yet all she would need to do is look my way and I could keep her distracted for a long time.

Though really it seems I am only a personal guard, someone to follow orders and stand in place watching over her. I will do so as I promised, I don't want to see her hurt after all, I care for her too much to permit that. Though I wonder if she even lightly holds the same care and devotion to me, or if I am even in her sights. Who knows, likely not really but well, I still stand by.






DarkDreamer
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Re: Journal of Darkness...

Post by DarkDreamer » Tue Jul 04, 2017 1:57 pm

Much changed that day, I could not continue to stand by and wear a collar while she danced around the subject of where I stood and what, if anything I was good for. I was just another object for her personal use. No value, no concept, just there. I wanted to believe she cared, I wanted to believe she was actually going to leave there, move away as she said she wanted to so many times. Yet it was either a pipe dream, or just a lie. I grew tired of it all. I removed the collar with some help from a source I won't list here incase the book ever falls into someone elses hands, but I got free and moved to Wharftown, paid 300,000 gold for a house there...only to find out the place was gonna be leveled to the ground by Cordor. So from there I just moved to Guldorand, got a place and a shop there and after some waiting, I joined the Militia.

I have enjoyed my time with the Militia. Its active and busy, I have already kicked out a Kobold right on my first day and Rannos seems to approve my work. The wyverns and Ogres are interesting in the area and give me a workout on my rounds. Aurora is up here now with the kids, we are slowly trying to work things out. Not sure what will come of it if anything. For now I just keep putting along and seeing where it goes.





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