I didn't want this
I didn't want any of that
I never wanted to be a homeless bastard, nor a traitor, I never wanted to break vows and betray the one I loved.
all I wanted was to be considered worthy in the arrogance that I was already worthy.
but I wasn't,
I wasn't worthy of anything, deserving and being worthy are not the same thing and I understood it too late,
I will never be a knight, I have to accept it, I have to accept that that being I called father was right, I should never have been born.
but now I'm here, in this world that doesn't want me, and I don't know what to do with this disgusting life of mine
Niamh
she hates me
and she does well
Aedan deserves hate, disgust, betrayal, he deserves death, and I am too cowardly to give it to him
maybe a lucky goblin will succeed, or a drow, a pirate, someone will be able to give him what he truly deserves
until then-
Pages from a Oathbreaker
Moderators: Active DMs, Forum Moderators
Pages from a Oathbreaker
accept the things you can not change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference.
Re: Pages from a Oathbreaker
I moved on to Bendir
a halfling commented on my helmet, and I replied, asking if I worshiped a bird deity.
I told him I don't serve any god
Sune, I still feel your embrace on me, but why? I followed my heart I made my life of your teachings, and I lost everything.
I have to stop blaming my fate on higher powers, good is not weak
I am.
The Bendirians showed me compassion, but I don't deserve it. but I wanted it, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream my pain at the rain and the moon.
and I left.
I've been around, looking for purpose, I tried to ask the Radiants
my months old explanation is still on their list
never been contacted
minmir wants to hire mercenaries
I had to lay siege to that place back in the day, that was the plan
I can not do that
They're Arthag's friends, aren't they? the pirate worm.
yet they offer everything I've ever wanted
can you trust them?
do you trust yourself?
accept the things you can not change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference.
Re: Pages from a Oathbreaker
After helping some men in Minmir I returned to Bendir to use the banker's services, and that's where Marie Cain stopped me... she's a fantastic woman, she'd only met me three times before that day, and yet she treated me as if I were the dearest of all. friends.
Lilly who helped me in the past joined the conversation, I explained everything once again, pointing out that the Nhul are everywhere and that I can't sit still.
I didn't even need time to prove my theory, princes and lady Nhul entered the tavern, asking to use the druidic circle for their wedding cursed by goddess Sune.
did they recognize me? I'm afraid so, but they avoided me.
Lilly took me away to Myon, and merciful gods now I finally understand why Lady Maya loves that place. I thought Myon was a city of gold, ancient statues, military towers.
I was wrong.
it seems like a quiet village among the trees, with a peace and tranquility almost out of this world, if only it wasn't the place closed to us inferiors, it would be--
It does not matter.
Lilly told me about the opportunities I can follow, that my life is not over.
yet seems to me it is.
send me a sign Sune.
give me a reason to justify my faith.
tell me that my life was not lived in vain.
I demand attention.
I ask you to explain.
I'm begging you
give some sense to all this pain
accept the things you can not change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference.
Re: Pages from a Oathbreaker
What is going on?
A pirate? Has she always been a pirate? and she offered me to join her? a fantastic offer, adventure, riches, respect, power.
All a man could want, and all I have to do, is break my last oath, the one I made to my mother, to be a good man.
I can't continue like this. I returned to Cordor for a moment and Fiona approached me, spitting all her contempt and disapproval in my face, I deserve her hatred, I was cruel to her, she doesn't deserve hatred, she is a good woman, she obeys orders.
If she had the elves under her command nothing would have happened.
They are everywhere, everywhere I go the black and red shadow of Nhul haunts me, they are growing.
and I'm alone
I have to ask for help,
accept the things you can not change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference.
Re: Pages from a Oathbreaker
I do not know what to do.
I can't join the pirates, it would be the last stone on the grave of my honor, I fought for my reputation, I don't want to kill it completely.
Bendir is a wonderful place, the people are social, nice, good, I would like to live there, I would be happy there, but I couldn't become a knight.
Cordor is my home now, but Nhul is growing in power and any house that would take me would earn their hatred, Myst doesn't care, but among shadovars-
Then we have Minmir, the radiant order, I tried to contact them over and over again, nothing, my application is still on their board for months, no response.
And I'm not convinced they would accept someone like me.
And then Niamh
Niamh
Niamh, my love, elven priestess fair,
With eyes of mystery and dark hair,
Your grace and beauty, a sight to behold,
But now, my heart is heavy and cold.
For you let me gone away,
Leaving me with memories, day by day,
Your gentle touch, your soothing voice,
Now only echoes, making my heart sink.
But oh, how I miss you, my dear,
Your presence, like a warm, comforting sphere,
Your were like a fire, burning bright,
Guiding me through the darkest night.
My days are empty, without your smile,
My nights, so lonely, without your beguile,
For you were my everything, my reason to be,
And now, my heart aches, endlessly.
But I hold on to the hope, that one day,
You will return, and with you, my heart will sway,
For Niamh, my love, you are my everything,
And without you, my heart can never truly sing.
Niamh, my love, elven priestess fair,
With every passing moment, I feel you near,
For our love, like magic, will never die,
And with that thought, I'll continue to--
I have to make a decision.
choose well for once
accept the things you can not change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference.
Re: Pages from a Oathbreaker
They called me a stalker,
I followed Sune's teachings, I followed my heart, and I made sure that others could follow it
I was wrong,
Sune lied
.............
Bane was right
Fear
respect
power
these are the only things that matter,
these are the way to happiness, not love, love is weak, pathetic, subile, power is eternal, majestic, it is what leaves you an inheritance, a name of which you can be worthy, the name of a tyrant
.........
*lines of ink are made over the last prases *
what am I writing?
IM becoming crazy
Am I crazy already?
people who don't know me hate me, Nhul ruined my reputation, and Castemont, that filthy aasimar did nothing to help me, not after all I did for him
Now I understand Roffin
I understand the desire to betray
to send everyone to hell
and to conquer one's place among the forces of evil.
I would like to do it too
I want to do it
why be good if it only gives you hate?
because I made a promise
my first promise
I am a good man, Aedan is my name, and on my mother's name, I will be a good man.
Stand your ground, noble knight
Do not falter, do not take flight
For they may mock you, hate you, despise
But you are the shield, under the rainy skies
They may insult you, with words unkind
But you are strong, with a brave mind
Your armor may be dented and worn
But your spirit remains, unshaken and untorn
You are the defender, of the weak and frail
With your sword and shield, you will prevail
Against all odds, you will stand tall
For you are the protector, of those who call
The rain may pour, and the winds may howl
But you will not waver, you will not cower
For you are the one, who holds the line
Against all darkness, you will shine
Your honor and courage, cannot be broken
For you are the chosen, the mighty token
Of justice and righteousness, you are the symbol
Standing firm, in the face of all trouble
So do not heed, the naysayers' words
For they do not know, the strength that you hold
Stand your ground, noble knight
For you are the shield, under the rainy skies.
accept the things you can not change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference.
Re: Pages from a Oathbreaker
I joined the guards of Guldorand,
It's definitely not what I wanted to do, but Lora says it'll be good for me, the people seem decent, I think I can survive like this
certainly living and surviving are not the same things.
Niamh,
I saw her, I tried to-
They called me Stalker, Perverse, Dishonorable.
This is what happens to those who follow their heart? Is this what happens to those who follow Lady Firehair's teachings?
I don't want anything to do with her anymore.
The heart is a sensitive and lying thing
I don't trust him anymore
accept the things you can not change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference.
Re: Pages from a Oathbreaker
For a secret organization they are sadly easy to find
and I shouldn't write anything else, sorry diary but I can't allow you to fall into the wrong hands
anyway, it's too easy
accept the things you can not change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference.
Re: Pages from a Oathbreaker
First she says that I bow to Bane's will, and then that I'm not a Banite, does she know it or not?
Avoid her
Nothing good can come from her,
She believe me and Syclya are a couple?
are we?
no
We surrender in eachother embrace because of similiar past and burdens, but must be just that , is lust, not love, we are not a thing, she cant love me, she love only herself.
There was a time where i made a promise to not bed with a woman until wedding, and now you accept the arms of concubines as a mean to ease my pain
I'm pathetic
Godless and pathetic
A deity is blessing me, i can feel it
Is not Sune
Yet i do not know who it is
and it scare me
i fear it
who?
Who is blessing me?
accept the things you can not change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference.
Re: Pages from a Oathbreaker
Diary
is a long time since last time i wrote here
They keep asking the same questions, elves, no one asking about me, how I'm doing.
they think everything is fine
everything should be fine
I'm a constable from Guldorand, I have respect, the people here are better than in Cordor, happier, more sociable, fewer knives behind the back, fewer words hidden under the tongue, honesty.
Yet I look in the mirror every morning, and all I see is a disgusting bastard.
I still heal myself, like my mother taught me, like Sune taught me, and yet I know I'm crap on the inside, I know I don't know where I'm going, or what I'm doing, I'm just waiting...
A sign
and what I'm doing
I'm waiting for a sign
I found a sign today
A mysterious beauty dressed in white approached me in Minmir lakes, a girl whose nature or name I do not know, yet she asked me to tell her my story, I did.
she showed me compassion, and in her eyes, I saw...
Sune?
Are you playing jokes on me?
What is this emotion in my chest? this nostalgic feeling?
I know I will suffer
I know I'll hate myself
and yet- I --...
accept the things you can not change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference.
Re: Pages from a Oathbreaker
I leave guldorand for hunt down monsters, the Radiant Heart ask me for do it, as a squire.
I believed squires had to serve a knight.
But I also believed nobles should serve their people.
No noble do that .
And no knight wish scum like me as squire
And this monsters, I cant kill them alone, i lack the skills, i need companions, friends, i lack those.
Thanks gods I have Takashi
Delilah
Delilah
Delilah
Delilah
Delilah
Delilah
accept the things you can not change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference.
Re: Pages from a Oathbreaker
I live in a corrupt world
there is nothing but hatred and violence,
she cut off my ear
uses it like a trophy, whispers inside it as if I could hear her follies.
she's crazy
she has always been crazy
I thought I could help her
and instead I became her prey
I am afraid
I look out the window every night, and I have nightmares that she's coming, that she's cutting me up, piece by piece, and-
what did she do to me?
if only I had-
gods
I have never been so afraid, why am I afraid?
because I know her
she won't stop until my head is decapitated and kissed by her black lips.
she could kill me at any moment
but she plays
like a cat and a mouse
I am afraid
Gods help me
accept the things you can not change.
Change the things you can.
And have the wisdom to know the difference.