Journal of a lost locked star.

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Atlantahammy
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Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Wed Nov 29, 2017 5:35 am

Image
The journal's cover is a rich shade of purple, a silver moon, holding a five point diamond shaped purple gem, bordered in the same silver sits in the center with the name of the owner written above in rather swirly silver colored text, "Astra Starlock" it reads.

A silver lock also holds this book closed, the edges are bordered in silver as well. Purple book mark, with a silver star on it, hangs between the pages... There seems to be a faint glitter about the cover as well, the texture feels a little rough from what ever is embedded in the cover to allow that glitter.

While it looks like any thick, hard cover book, opening reveals it's been enchanted, to not only be light weight, but to have endless pages, when one is filled, another appears in the back, it's a wonder how the binding doesn't break.

It also appears all the text, is written neatly in a purple colored ink against the tea stained colored paper, each page is dated, and numbed as well
-----------------------------------------
Ches 13th, 135 AR, Entry I, Page I:

Well, I deiced to get myself a journal, specially given it was the advice given to Seel'Melaa... Thought It would be best for me to have one as well since I.. don't speak my mind often, and often just express myself through drawing, but my past year here has left me with a lot of lingering thoughts that.. Wont leave, even if I draw them out...

At some point after I write this extremely long entry, I'll dedicate the next pages in the back to people I know, even if I end up writing them in all different places in here, I'll reorganize them and put them in their proper place in the back...

Anyway, I came here on the 10th month on the 20th, in 133AR, right in what I would call the desperate and violent death throws of something that has been called the "Illusion wars" or the "Spriggin Wars"... Just about every Tenday we where constantly assaulted by them without rest.. Made my first year on this island a bit of a hell...

I fear I have-- No, I do have lingering trauma from it all, that merely feeds the problems I already have... Specially when I am up in the warden's hall, I can't relax while up there, I still fear Drow assassins, and bounty hunters will try and bust in the door without a moments notice, every time I hear someone knock on that door.

Seeing Seel'Melaa, killed twice, once by a man named Bendhardt, and again by Fe'dath Merladiel... in such close proximity has...Also left me with a a fair bit of trauma, as well as a deep seeded distrust of the two... I'm terrified to be in the same area as the two of them when I have to be...Here I thought I was incapable of holding grudges for longer then two months.

Them and Vienxay Starlight, but eeeeveryone wants to punch Vienxay, I really hope I'm there when someone does, cause my gods, she's bad and throws insults around so freely that they have started to loose all meaning.

Not everything was bad in 134AR though... I did meet my friend, Jadoth, and boyfriend, Seel'Melaa, (then known as Yorn) officially, after seeing them in the foyer once or twice before, a month or so before I officially met them, when Jadoth had been...Captured.

135AR hasn't been too bad, nothing compared to hells we went through with the spriggins... however, between what is going on with Thulk, Yorn, an Jadoth; and the Cordor guard, the Ordo as they are called, making up lies about us.. I fear I will never get that permit, specially as I fear Pierce Welby, the chansoller of Cordor, has some personal slit against me, thanks to Celestia Merlin, Lilly Blake, Thazar Ur, and Ryth Ellaniar making up lies about me... It may just be my "paranoia" acting up again though..

Lily does seem to be on better terms with me, specially after the talk Lissa and Jacob had with the both of us separately...Specially after her and Celestia Merlin, had a falling out, I... Do want a chance to talk to her sometime, when she's not busy of course.

Other things that have been on my mind, are the drow raiding parties that come up form stonehold, and the things Jadoth has told me... Blunt, but they are not wrong, and I know he says them because he cares, he cares a lot, despite how he tries to play it off otherwise... He is definitely a very good, caring, kind hearted person, despite trying to make himself believe he isn't..Least that is what I get when he says he's retired and shouldn't care.

I don't think what he says is wrong though... I fear what would happen if I ended up collared... For I am very submissive, taught to not speak unless spoke too, too fall in line and not to question what superiors tell me...Unless I want to face physical backlash... I'm glad I have the tower, Jadoth, and Seel as people who'll come for me, should that happen.. I trust them, despite all the discord and miscommunication that has been going on recently.

I also keep putting off my Thesis, it's been almost two years, and I am still a apprentice, but with the threats of Jadoth or Seel being removed I....hesitate, I don't want to get some place then just have to leave because... uhg. I'm also procrastinating because I don't know what to write about..

Things.. things also like to come up at bad times, but I can't just... stop them from coming up at bad times, and try to take as much stress as I can off Jadoth and Seel best I can to help but..

Like my talk with the archmages and them went an hour or more ago, I lock up, I think i'm going to make things worse, that I'm not helping... I wish.. I wish I could stop from feeling like that, and stop second guessing myself, and that the feeling would just go away that makes me unable to speak.

I hate myself for that... I hate myself for being a coward, I hate myself for being a stupid broken lazy sack of s--

No I shouldn't self deprecate here, I should stop writing for now...
Specially now that Jacob, Thulk, Angela, Jadoth and Seel'Melaa...
I also should not share this with Seel'Melaa, I worry how bad it might get taken... Might just be being paranoid again.

-----------------------------------------
Important People:

Jadoth Dawnfire (Jad, Jaddy)
Sun Elf | Birthdate: Unknown | Male.

Jadoth is... Jadoth, there is no other way to explain him...Well there is, but it sounds harsh.. He's broken, like, broken as in someone who cares too much, and has been severely taken advantage of... With all trust being broken... He needs some down time to just.. relax without trying to help, and just allow himself to heal...

It's hard not to see him as a close friend, or a brother, despite he sometimes does dumb things, but I understand where they come from, their just how he knows how to deal with things, just like me... He's also someone really close to Seel, sometimes I swear it's like a match to see who can out care for the other.

I want to help him, I want to tell him it will be okay, that things will get better, and there is always a light at the end, but he's been here longer then me, suffered more then me, and I know that is.. just not how reality works... I want him to feel safe with me and be someone he can talk to though, even if it's all I can do... Just, be someone who can make his day a bit better.

Seel'Melaa (Formally Yorn).
Moon Elf | Birthdate: Unknown | Male.

My boyfriend, and another friend of mine, He's.. also very broken, getting there, but still broken, he's made a lot of leaps and strides since i met him in 134, but he's still... Needs help, I've taught him how to read, and right, and made a quill to help him with writing reports for the hawkin' and the Wardens, I really am proud of how far he's come.

I love him, and I hope he realizes this, despite how.... Socially inept I am... I try to express it.. but I feel it comes out wrong and just.. comes off creepy... Or just coming off as just saying words to try and be dismissive... He's also someone I want to try and cheer up when everything has gone so horribly wrong, but I just..

I admit there are days I want to whack him, specially when I realize issues come up at the worst times, but I know better, and that is just part of being in a relationship, and he's allowed to feel those things, specially with how he's still learning how to have those emotions... So I cannot be made at him, and it doesn't make me love him any less.

Jacob Swift.
Human...? | Birthdate: Unknown | Male.

Lead Archmage of the Tower, and Angela's boyfriend, from what I gather, he's also pretty much Jadoth's adoptive father figure, one of the few people I've seen him actually completely listen too...Though I do sometimes wonder if Jacob realizes this... Though he does seem to very much be the father figure of the tower and the students.

He's a very nice person, definitely someone we can feel safe around... Its also interesting the things he's figured out how to do with Necromancy, definitely takes the "The the magic isn't whats evil, it is the person that uses it" ideal to heart.

Veritas Doplehaulserman. (Dooples)
Half-Elf | Birthdate: Unknown | Male.

One of the Master's here at the tower, quite funny, first time I met him, he was in the apex being threatened by the Raident Heart, wasn't long after I joined the tower too, and thought him arrogant, but more I listened to him talk, more he began to remind me of my previous Master... Smart, proud of his work, sassy, grumpy, (given to a lesser extent) and a bit of a drama queen...

Given he does more dumb things then my master did, but, I.. can't find the will to see him totally stupid, and still trust him, specially after the dragon ritual incident... I hope he returns soon.. Where I can show him how much I've grown, and be thought by him, with Jadoth...

Maybe even return his the Deck of the Star's he'd given me, to him.. I've kept them in good Shape, despite using them, for when he returns.

Snow Emil.
Elf| Birthdate: Unknown | Female.

She seems to pretty much be Arelith's main and only doctor, while Jacob is one of her surgeons.. They so need help. She was one of the first people, with her fiancé, Lacroix, that I had met on the island. She also gave me my first Deck of the Stars, and showed me around a bit, getting the Myon portal...

She also seems to somewhat be one of Jadoth's mother figures, definitely seems very nice~ ...I wish she was able to come around more... I dunno but I get the feeling I've seen her somewhere, but knowing my memory it's likely wrong, and I am mistaking her for someone else.



Pictures coming soon.
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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Fri Dec 01, 2017 4:17 am

Tarsakh 4th, 135 AR, Entry II, Page II:

So, I've not seen Seel the last tenday, must of been extremely tried, or off somewhere doing his blacksmithing, all he same, I just hope he's okay, did seem really tried after that meeting that was had at the clinic, if he's been sleeping, then good, he really needs it...

I should really make him a dream catcher, and enchant it, would likely help with the Nightmares.

This past tenday, also made me realize how much I appreciate he knows that sometimes, we just need time from each other, why? because Jantira was fallowing Me and Jadoth the whole time, and me and Jadoth couldn't shake him for a long time to get to talk, it was... Pretty frustrating, I admit I maybe should of said something, but my gods, had he not been one of Seel's friends, I'd likely of snapped.

I wonder if Jadoth gets like that with me sometimes, I do realize when he's around I gravitate towards him, like we do when Archmage Jacob is around, like a line of ducklings behind their mother, heh... All the same, I worry if I frustrate him like that sometimes, or he finds it creepy... Not really sure how to go about asking that, to find out if he needs me to back off sometimes.

I think... Had people not been around, I would of told Jadoth about how I was the same when I was younger, someone who had a very strong caring nature, heh, so much so I even felt bad about squashing bugs, despite my own fear of spiders...

However I'd gotten badly hurt by people that wanted to, and did, take advantage of me, stepped all over me, and I proceeded to suppress a lot of my emotions, and convinced I didn't actually care, and was just so angry all the time... And just.. became the nearly emotionless, broken, angry, vengeful, submissive mess I am today, that I am desperately trying to fix and undo... I really don't want him to end up like me..

Then again, I have changed a bit since being here, I am a bit more open then when I first arrived.

My younger self would be sadden at how she became as a adult...I still remember how I wanted to be the nicest, most helpful person I could possibly be... As well as being tall and strong, buuut none of that happen, heh...Well, maybe the helpful bit did, just a little... Been helping make a lot of Phrasebooks recently.

Lissa also spoke to me the night before, about how maybe I can start my thesis. I don't think she realizes just how much that helped, I might actually be able to get that thing started soon...

For the longest time, I thought Lissa actually didn't like me, but then again it likely was just bad timing, all things considered, she had lost her father, mother taken, and where in the middle of a spriggin' war with them using her image... Perhaps I was just being a bit too sensitive.

I also am able to fluently speak in Celestial, at long last! Feels nice to have one language of the many I have, checked off my list.

Ah this Johanna person, also has me quite worried with how she stares at us, and speaks, I can tell she makes Jadoth really uncomfortable... Hell she makes me uncomfortable, but I can only imagine how much more worse it is for Jadoth, specially given he's been trained to spot behaviors like that, and do something about them, from what I get he was the only one able to even DO that at one point in his job...it must be ten fold compared to what I feel... Specially now he can't exactly do much about them anymore.

...I don't like how Jadoth broke his hand in order to get his mind off the situation, I wish I knew a better way to help him find a much healthier one, but.. I don't, and I'm not going to pretend like my methods for situations like that will help any, Jadoth is not Me, they likely wont help him at all.. I just, wish everyone else realized this... and would stop acting like their methods of handling things will help him.

It's the same with Seel, I cannot tell him not all Elisatreen's are like the ones that have hurt him, and it's unfair to blame them all, but this has been, so far, his ONLY experience with them thus far, thus my words would have no meaning, and would only serve to invalidate what he is feeling.

I have no issue with the Elisatreen's, other then Rhaeg is an idiot, and has earned the disappointing stares of Yeto, Jacob, Jadoth, and more, and should not be trusted.... Uuuhg Why did I have to state that out loud... Oh well.

But all the same, I cannot actively say anything, until at least some sort of healing is done for him, so that Seel at least understands some what, that, the action of a few, does not represent the whole...

For now, I worry about Jadoth's hand, best to rat him out to Snow..Also worried about Seel, not seen him in two Tenday now.
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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Sat Dec 02, 2017 2:31 am

Tarsakh 13th, 135 AR, Entry III, Page III:

Welp, Jadoth broke his hand last tenday in a attempt to relieve his anger that the whole situation Johanna had brought on... Didn't know those spell deflectors where that strong.. I'm glad I told Jacob about his hand through, I don't think I'd been able to set it properly, hand bones and joints are just.. small.

Jadoth likely realizes I told Jacob, I just need to wait for him to ask, given I didn't tell Jacob, how, when, or why, other then it was possibly broken, after Jadoth had left cordor...Jadoth deserves the right to reveal those reasons himself.

Johanna also confronted me about Jadoth's threats the last tenday... Oooh boy that was scary... Something is definitely not right with that lady... She'd asked if Jadoth would make a attempt on her life, which truthfully, I stated, No, unless she was some actual threat that Jadoth could prove, with actual evidence, she was likely fine, and that while Jadoth make's threats, their all mostly empty.

Mostly, but like hell I'd tell a stranger that, and that they'ed likely not have enough time to make it out the door if they where a real active threat, Hoooo boy, and if Jadoth was hurt by them first, Jacob and Seel would eviscerate them into the next plane of existence.

But again, like hell I'm going to tell someone that, specially someone as shady as that... What worries me though, is the fact she didn't accept this answer though...What she also said has me worried:

"Any rational in regard to my survival dictate, removing his clear mental disabilities, that i should act upon these threats"

Geeee, good job proving his point, lady.... I'm going to need to report this to the Archmages, good crimady christmas, She even still didn't believe me, after I said "Unless you really are some kind of underdark spy, I doubt your in any real danger" and kept asking what kind of threat he'd pose... and again, like hell i'm gonna tell that, specially if she is a real threat.

I got lucky, and someone came in needing help...Needed to ID a Beijuril Gem, she left after that... and that was when I noticed this person also pick pocketed my two Ruby's, since I'd noticed the one she'd passed me was out of place, when I went to get my water skin... and I'd known this whole time I'd had been carrying two...had it been one of my others I carry much more of, I likely would not of noticed as quickly...I at least got one back...Eh, guess you can't pick who helps you sometimes...

She did try to pick pocket Jad not long later, and I tried to point out I knew she'd taken my two my rubys, She of course, denied this, but eh, whats to be expected, people think I am stupid all the time.

I also sassed Gallows while I was restocking my shop today, my god it felt good, reminding him ever so kindly, that I remember him as the man that called Seel a dick... Wonder if he even remembers that day when he came into the clinic, and started talking about dogs... Maybe me remembering is a indication I'm holding a bit of a salty grudge?

...Naaaaah.

...Johanna was also talking about how thesis's work not long ago, made me.. feel like doing mine was dumb, specially since it brought nothing really new to the table, my study has also been very slow and mainly been in regards of what I found in books...I'm just.. glad Jadoth didn't pick up just how upset I really was.
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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Sun Dec 03, 2017 8:53 am

Tarsakh 24th, 135 AR, Entry IV, Page IV:

Started off the day alright, got a few wands made for the shop, as well as two more phrasebooks printed, and a bit of a stock up on ink, even if it is just a small stock, does make the bag heavier though...Got to talk to Seel, and got a bunch of soft wood together.

Spent a good few hours putting my new outfit together that Sully made me, I think it looks nice~ bit too much black, but any more purple and it would look awful. I should change the belt later.

I also accidentally took myself out with alcohol poisoning from spirits after doing like... three? four? scrys on this Stylo person, who I recognize from before, who pick pocketed me and Jadoth, least now I have her name to give to the wardens and archmages.. Still.. Uhg.

A lot of people saw that...Might want to avoid Cordor for a bit until they forget that happen... Is nice to see people worry about me though..Worried about Seel hearing about it, I should tell him myself...Specially now that this Stylo is wanting me dead.

Overall, this Tenday was okay, spent some bonding time with Jadoth and Snow, and I'm in a much better mood then most tendays.. I kinda hope things keep going well, despite freaking Seel out a bit, dying, and the whole chasing a murder around for a day, and not working on my thesis things.

Huh, this is a much shorter entry then most ,but it seems okay.
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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Mon Dec 04, 2017 8:54 am

Mirtul 7th, 135 AR, Entry V, Page V:

There was a strange event going on in cordor today with the Thayven marriage candidate, she was selling items... Likely without a permit, and likely irresponsibility, given what I heard.. There was also another murder in apparently, with a Troll and Werewolf in the sewer. Man just what the heck is going on in that city...?

Further more, kept running into damn Vienxay starlight today, uuuuhg, was not pleasent, least I got to know a bit more about Mina... It's.. kinda nice to have someone actually listen for a change, even if she's a starlight.

It's been another boring tenday, not to bad, I mean, besides the beholders with kobolds in the bloodmoon orc cave, but need a adjurer to get read of that... Still didn't like how that weird Steven fellow was so gonne-hoe to complete it.

I also hesitated to ask Pierce about the magic permit.. Twice.. I let my thoughts get the better of me..I also need to get the name of the fay Bhando is trying to find, maybe try and scry for her.
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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:39 am

Mirtul 24th, 135 AR, Entry VI, Page VI:

Well, that all went to hell in a hand basket, last ten-night, apparently the Banite named Zeek went and killed the White Wolf, Elf druid named Xellree? I am likely spelling that wrong, outside the nomad in the outskirts of Cordor, in front of Pierce...

Who then what I hear, put a bounty on baneit heads, then the baneits put a bounty on him... Glad me and Jadoth got him out of the hall before the mob of them broke in.

The this tenday was.. equal parts boring, and equal parts... "Interesting" Lina Starlight hired Sahri de Rais to kill Jadoth, Sahri asked Lina who she needed to kill, Lina pointed to Jad, stating he was a none Mystra follower, to which I said was a lie, cause they where many, she stated that for a trade of a list of Mystra and none Mystra followers of the tower, for research purposes, to which I used to stall.

Pointed out it was a very Sharren thing to say... but I used it, to allow Keryiven and the others of Myon to get there to protect Jadoth...I did however write quite the sassy note and read it off once they got there, allow her to chase me where Jad could get to safety.... Worked out well given after Lina left Sahri got stomped afterward.

Same time, before they left, Bhando had a trap set for him out at the Nomad, Paddy was drunk....I feel a bit bad about blowing that druid wolf-slave off...but my mind was more focused on...Helping everyone else.

After a meeting, most of the day was quite after, fallowed by a few small events, like where me, Jadoth, and sully Shapechanged into Dragon's to teach snow Draconic, that was funny, specially when Lacroix and Buppi walked in.

After that, as I was doing the last of my tenday's work, I come a crossed that our underdarker policy thing had been smashed.. Analisa S. Dirtytoes informed me it was a goblin, she also offered the brass needed to fix it, and I was able to do so.. And that's when said goblin, "Gzurak" came out with Lissa's corps, and put it down, course I freaked out.

After I got Lissa's corpse and it went in, I used my last raise scroll on her, I admit I likely should of done the alter at the Inn but I was a bit panicked, and didn't want to chance anything... me and Analisa, or "Andy" got her fixed up, and made sure that goblin had left the tower.

Stylo then came in..Was hard for me not to ID her, given I'd seen that disguise more then once....Though she was.. Okay this time, informed us that Sarina Dragonsong has someone looking up information on Lissa? which is weird...

I end this entry with a note to get more raise scrolls, or find a damn book of souls... and that...I am missing Seel a bit, I enjoy being with Jadoth, but I also like being with him, I wish there where more times that we could all have a nice time together.

I do need to also figure out how to tell him i'm more comfortable with him in regards to our relationship, but hells if I know how to go about explaining it...All the talks of weddings and stuff is also making me nervous, with so many getting married.

And it's not in regards to Seel, it's in regards to people trying to push us too it.. I'm of the strong opinion that you can't deiced you want to marry someone after a year of knowing them, and that it needs a bit more time then that.

It's also why I get so annoyed with people trying to push, or tease Jadoth about getting a girlfriend... He shouldn't have to feel pushed or pressured into getting into a relationship, that would be a gigantic disaster..

For that matter how do people know Jadoth isn't into guys? (Though to be fair I don't see him as a guy person myself, but I am able to be wrong) Or just.. Not interested at all? Those people exist after all..
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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:25 am

Kythorn 6th, 135 AR, Entry VII, Page VII:

The lecture today, was instead Jacob telling us of a book he was writing about one of his past adventures, it was pretty interesting.. Though I can't help but wonder what ever happen to that fourth child, that had vanished.. Suppose we'll never really happen, since this is real life, and we don't always get a answer.

Spent most of the day sitting in the foyer, worried about Jadoth, I understand he was hiding, given what happen, I'm glad I did get a chance to speak with him though, calm myself, and we got Snow to help in his floor not being splody..... Also that Pierce actually listened to him.. Poor Jadoth get's more crap then necessary.

Lina Starlight also apologized to me about what happen, and while I accepted it, Jadoth is the one she should apologize too.... Her uh, sister didn't exactly help, specially now that she's gathering people to try and lynch Jadoth.

...I uh, also found a note on my house, basically demanding I stop selling Gnomish phrasebooks in my shop, before someone gets hurt, Preeeeetty sure this was Terto, everyone and their dog has warned me about him.

I contacted Analisa, I merely just need to wait now for her to get back to me, to ensure it is okay I am selling those phrasebooks there, and I am not being paranoid...

Not even a hour ago....I found out, that not long after Jadoth had killed that idiot by mistake, that Fa'dath had showed up and.. There had apparently been a mob trying to stop him from leaving after that.. She had to rough him up to satisfy them, but.. It's still unknown if Jadoth know's she only did it to get them to leave... All the same I..

The paper here has tear stains in it, heavy ones that dried before the ink was applied...


I...I nearly lost all emotional control after that, I was crying, I was angry, I was breathing out embers of flame from just how... Just how much I wanted to.. How much I still want to drop a damn Balor on the next person that harasses Jadoth... I needed Fa'dath to talk me down.. remind me why I can't just go and murder those Monsters that walk around in the skins of vaguely looking civilized people.

The ones that purposefully seek him out to harass him.
Those that purposefully seek him out to physically hurt him.
Those that seek out to kill him.
Nag him on "patients" he has but everyone else pushes.
The ones that purposefully scream extreme hatred at him about his race.
Those that purposefully spread rumors and lies about him.
Those that have made it, that unless he threatens death, they wont leave him alone..
Those that have made it, to where "Leave me alone" no longer works..

I wanted to cry there...Scream how I wanted to make every last one of them feel the exact same pain they where making Jadoth feel... I still want to cry, but.. I don't want to do any of this with a stranger, despite what kindness she showed in helping me calm...Realizing just how far I repress my emotions..

She however did not realize that I don't only repress mine, but I... I suppose I'm what's known as a "Bleeding Heart"... While I squash my own, I also empathize greatly with others...Understanding others and where they come from, (Mostly) and so much more...

....I keep trying to tell myself I'm wrong, and I'm imagining it...But knowing what I do now.. I think.. Jadoth wanted to jump off the Myon Mythal... Commit suicide.

I knew he was closer to the edge then I was comfortable with, and the thought crossed my mind, that he was more upset then what he was letting on, but...I didn't think he'd do it, not with Snow and I there.. I should of...Dammit.

I pray to the gods I'm wrong, I hope with every part of my being I am wrong on those thoughts, and that wasn't actually what I was feeling from him at Myon...

..I miss Seal, I.. I want to talk with him or Jadoth, I just.. I just need someone to talk to next Tenday.

The last bit of writing is a bit runny, and faint from some tears had landed after the ink was applied, given by the stains, but it is read-able.

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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Fri Dec 08, 2017 10:20 am

Kythorn 20th, 135 AR, Entry VIII, Page VIII:

Woke up today to find some strew in the pot, and a rose on the table, clearly Seel made it, so it's some relief to me, hm, didn't know he could actually cook, I knew of the ability to make Tea but.. Ah, I better not think hard on it.

Another "quite" day for the most part.. Mainly walked around with Jadoth, found that Elriel person, and Fe'dath are trying to get Jadoth labeled a dhaerrow in Myon... Can't say I am none to surprised to find out Fe'dath is completely two faced...I should of known... I should of known...Just adds salt into the wound of me breaking down in front of her..

I can't say the day was brighter after that, I spent most of it with Jadoth, who was still hiding... He honestly feels like no one wants him, and that people are just going to throw him away once they deiced he's more trouble then he's worth...and that if the tower throws him out, no longer wants him, he's going to Andunor, and wait their to kill someone, or till he's ether collared or killed...

He also feels like he's not allowed to make mistakes, or be "human" because at the slightest mistaken, or show of negative emotion.. he'll be tossed out..

There are new tear stains on the pages, their darker then the ones on the pages of the last entry, which have also left fainter marks on this entries pages.. There are a lot more on this entry though.


I keep telling him that he is indeed wanted, he has people like Snow, Lacroix, Jacob, Seel'Melaa.. Me... and that him getting kicked from the tower is unlikely... (I.. Do feel I am lying to myself though on that.. I do feel Lissa, Thulk, and Angela will likely be all too happy to remove him from the tower, if given the chance... I can't tell him this though, all it will do is make his suicidal thoughts louder, and feed them because their right...I feel awful not telling him, it feels like i'm lying to him, but I can't...I can't let those thoughts win...I also need to tell Jacob.)

We also got to talk at length about some things...I'm glad he feels safe enough to talk to me about them, and knows full well, i'd never make fun of him for these thoughts... I also told him how Veritas reminds me of my old Master...I also spoke about, if Veritas doesn't come back, I'll do my hardest to help him sort out his mind, like how Veritas did... It's going to require me to do a bunch of research, but...I have to try.

I hope, I pray, and I wish Veritas comes back soon.. I hadn't realized it had honestly been a year since he was taken away..

I don't know, how well much to heart he took it, but I explained to him a lot of the "criticisms" people are giving him, are not actual criticism, having witnessed a fair bit, I can safely say, a lot of what he gets, isn't genuine, and just thinly veiled jabs, insults and just.. generally all around nonconstructive comments hidden behind the shield of "Criticism" and that yes, criticism can be harsh and make him feel down, it should however, never make him feel like he should quite or give up, but instead make him want to improve, and that real criticism normally comes with a way on how he can go about fixing something, in one or more ways.

I also told him his he shouldn't look at him not helping people as "Not caring" but instead, as him taking time to heal, to be able to be able to help people again, because if she doesn't, he is, and he will, shatter, and when that happens, who will be there to help him? or take his place if or when he does...

Perhaps, it was wrong for me to say these things, and perhaps I may have undone work others had done to help him....But I do feel these are things that needed said, and he likely would know easily if I was lying, he did see first hand how easy I can swap masks to ensure no one picks up on that something is, or maybe wrong.

There where things I left unsaid, like how I wanted to promise him, that I would not leave him, and I'd be there for him...but at this point, promises are empty to him at this point, given how many have left him, so I instead plan to have my actions speak for me...and Prove it.

Another was that, while I'm not the smartest, healthiest, stable, or strongest person, and that I'm not those that left him, but nor am I Akira or Sarina, I will be there for him, and try to help him, there are going to be times I fumble, there will be times where we'll likely fight but... I refuse to be another link in that cycle that plagues him...It's likely best I left this one unsaid though, It... Likely would of gone badly.

...I have some Gnomish Phrasebooks to finish in the morning, as well as help Lissa with that runic circle, need to know what she needs specifically, also in regards to divination... I also need to work on my thesis more, and start research into helping Jadoth, now that I've mastered my enchantment focai... I also added a new entry to the profiles list.

I need... to stop crying, holding my tongue and act instead of hesitating because I fear of what may go wrong.
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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:05 am

Eleint 13th, 138 AR, Entry IX, Page IX:

Been sometime since I wrote in this thing... been gathering some dust, years to be exact, and so much has changed, and how much I've changed, reading back some of my old journal entries is actually a bit embarrassing now, I sounded a bit over dramatic but, ah that's to be expected from someone that feels others emotions like I do.

Where to even begin? I suppose with the fact I'm a Master of the tower now, still wondering who's bright idea that was! ...Though, Jadoth has told me he's happy I am a master, I'm not someone Squidny has power over.

Ehh, suppose it's alright though, I've been helping keep up with applications, doing maintenance around the tower, still need to find a Cleric of Azuth, Mystra, and Selûne, to help clean and re-charge the alters in all of the tower after a stupid Gnome came in and desecrated them all... Maybe after that, I could have a Alter of Sehanine Moonbow put up, since she herself is also a deity of magic... Ehh, maybe not, feel like i'd be pushing it.

Speaking of I'm also Myon's trade Minister, or "Voice of Trade"...Still don't get why Zathlan thought that was a good idea, but I am doing my best, it doesn't impede my work at that Tower to much, since it is kinda at the bottom of the government totem pole, but I...am struggling with getting events organized, doesn't help I get very little feed back.

Most I've gotten is a possible Auction event, but that requires getting a stock items together, and a possible archery contest, but again, I need to find a prize, outside of just cash, cause really that isn't gonna really draw too many, but still, it's viable.

I'm also a mother now, to a pair of twins, a sister and brother, Alara Dawn Starlock, and Alwin Dusk Starlock. Fact, their birthday was yesterday, Eleint 12th, their both officially a year old... I can also tell Seel's favoring Alara a bit more then Alwin, It's alright though, just means I'll have to show Alwin a bit more love, though I do think he wont pull favorites too much with her.

It's actually a bit Ironic, I'd not realized it at first, but I accidentally named my son after my little brother, Edwin, (Even kinda looks like him..) while trying to think of a matching name to Alara. I feel like a bit of a jerk about it, specially after I was hesitant with giving Alara her name.. Part of me doesn't even want to reveal it to Seel because of it, but...Ahhg, going to have to, sooner or later.

Oh Seel's now a lieutenant in the Cordor Guard as well, seems very happy there, I admit I was a bit worried about him going back into that kind of work, after nearly dying on me while he was a Bendir sheriff for the Hawkin'... He's also a wild mage now, with a panther familiar, after that whole nearly dying thing.

On the previous thought of favorites actually.... I'm a bit worried about Jadoth, there was apparently something going on that people where not meant to know about? and when I said the worse he could do was ask what was going on, cause things where kinda really really shady, I didn't think that was LITERALLY the worse thing that could of been done.

Both Jacob and Angela lied to him, and made him worry.. Angela then lied again and made it worse with information we know was wrong, and then walking off when Jadoth asked if Buppi was involved.. Like, could that of been made any more obvious? (Been loosing so much trust in Angela, specially after what I heard her say to Jacob about Jadoth....I can't tell him it, I can never tell him it, Jadoth will end himself if he's removed from the tower and if Jacob leaves him...Best he never knows, and I forget it.)

I then told Jad to talk to Snow, get things cleared up, know I expected people to talk like adults.. Oh gods I was wrong, I was violently horribly disastrously wrong.

And it was apparently Snow who started it? I really don't know what to think anymore...What's done is done though....It.. Is pretty clear Snow favors Buppi over Jadoth, and I can't... Really blame Jadoth for cutting ties and leaving then an there when Snow told him to leave, specially after what he's told me.

Part of me is scared for when Jacob talks to him... I.. I'm sad cause I feel, hell likely even know, this is likely not going to be fixed, getting Jadoth and Buppi in a room to talk right now is like dumping oil on a fire. It's just going to explode, their not going to get along, too much damage has been done, they are not going to get along, period... I feel like had Jadoth not been treated like some child, and been explained proper about what was going that, things wouldn't of gotten this bad.

Already also hearing that the whole clinic blames Jadoth for apparently that weird curse on Snow affecting her, and nearly killing her after their argument... Hell's i'd not want to go back to a toxic environment like that ether! Even if it's wrong, I'd still not go back there from the people involved, alone.

I didn't even go there when Jadoth pulled me from the wall, after I'd scried into it, while trying to get a location on Jasper (I'd apparently been running around with all my internal organs bruised to hell and back, for about 3 Tendays) Jasper still got collared.... I hope he knows just how hard I, Jadoth, Jacob, and the others are pulling for him.

I don't leave friends behind, I know, I've not known him long, or gotten to hang around with him much but damnit... Every part of my being is screaming at them to give him back. I don't want to loose another one of my teachers.. Another on of my Master's.

I knew he only said it as a passing as a joke, but we did help each other out in those years.

Make's me sometimes wish I could just.. Share the visions I have, all the timelines I've peeked into, the good, bad, neutral, ugly, horrifying and just unspeakable... But I know better then that.. Because if I do.. it means they likely will never happy, or happen, I can't just.. muddle with time like that, I have to let people forge their own paths, and deiced their own fates, it be selfish for me to mold things like that to my liking, not to mention violently irresponsible...

As much as it hurts, I can't...

A suppose on a more happy note, I've been thinking about the idea of me and Seel having a proper wedding ceremony but.. Ahhh I'll wait till Nehala comes back with her and Cev's child~ I'm sure she'd strangle us if we got married without her being here.

It's getting late, I should sleep.. Hopefully I can keep up with this again.
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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Tue Sep 25, 2018 10:15 am

Alturiak 1st, 144 AR, Entry X, Page X:
Image

Another long coming journal entry... I'm starting to see a pattern in all of this... Given the last page i'd just become a Master, and on this page.. Well, I am now an Archmage, The Arcane Tower's Archmage of Divination. It's pretty surreal to think about still, but I've had a few years to get used to it....

A bit of Irony though, my husband, Seel'Melaa, died the exact same day I was promoted, I didn't tell him, he felt hurt that day, due to him trying to kill Zathlan, over calling him Yorn, finely came back to bite him, his tower membership was removed.. I doubt he'd be happy with my choice to accept, and stay.... After all, I had nothing else, and no one else but Jadoth.

It's been a few years, and I'm still hurt, grieving, but I've been able to move on, and heal enough to be able to...I suppose one would call us...We've not openly stated anything but... I'm happy, and only can hope they are too, and feels the same... No i definitely know they feels the same.

Last tenday I spent a few good hours crying, Garrett and Alexa had me going through my sketchbook, and I saw the sketches I did of busts of all the people I miss.... Seel'Melaa, Quentin, Nehala, Keryvian, Veritas, Lissa, Sheng, Jasper, Alara, Pierce, and more... I wish I could just.. Have them all back.. Everything was better back then, with them around....Anyway..

The real reason though, I come back to this journal, is to write about the vision I had, the mass vision we seer's all had. Though, i do feel something about mine was.. different:

I was working on putting together the banishment board for the tower, something I'd put off for a while, after getting into a spat with Loric, I'd just finished up the note for Vienxay Starlight's banishment, when I felt myself get very dizzy.

I blacked out, (And hit the floor of the portal dais apparently) and awoke in a leave littered, snowy forest. I pushed myself up, looking around at the place, first thing I noticed was the night sky, there where so many falling stars, I would of stood there, just gazing up at them, but the sound of the hounds snapped me out of it.

That is when I realized I wasn't alone, there was another woman there, a Moon elf, (Who later learned is named Luelle, She seemed pretty nice) following my vision, I acted as I though I should, which I generally do when I have visions like this.. However my bull strength fell off, and then I couldn't run.. and I couldn't cast magic, I'd asked the woman if she had a wand, but to no avail.

The hounds again, a horn, I saw ridding boots on the ground, something else, a horn? no, maybe the bar Angela had seen, we started moving away, slowly, I saw some strange figure on a horse, I couldn't tell if they had a head or not...

As we moved a snow storm started picking up, I reached back and grabbed Luelle's hand, not wanting to get separated from her, and the snow storm got much, much worse to the point we couldn't see... (Small detail: My familiar pesudodragon, Stella, was also with us the whole time, hissing at the hounds, maybe she's what kept them at bay?)

Then I woke up on the dais, i'd busted open the side of my head slightly, there was blood, nothing I couldn't fix though, but damn was I dizzy. Angela helped me over to the table where we talked, we'ed had the same vision, but a fay-ish cat apparently hopped on her lap, and told her "Night night" before she had it..

She thinks, personally, it was the vision of a "Wild Hunt" supernatural phenomenon that happens, but soon we learned, quickly, as they all started pouring into the tower, that Divisionists all a crossed the island where having the same vision that night.

Even Zathlan, and he rarely talks about his divinastionist skills. (I also did make a pretty good crack about how he fell into the dirt, better then me, but still I hope he didn't take it too personally.) We also unanimously agree'ed a mass vision like this, is generally stuff you get, when even the gods go "uh oh".

Mach had told me not long ago about a "Headless horsemen" ghost running about, I'd originally thought it was the same one from years past that had shackled children to adults he kidnapped, that severally messed up Jadoth that year...Seem's it's another though, anyway, he'd told me it had been unleashed in the Kings tomb in sibayad, there was a broken.. half-done? half-Ritual circle, there with the bloody corpses of the ritualists there.

A fellow wood elf, Rhudaeil, also confirmed this, and apparently saw part of the ritual, and was wise enough to write it all down, he also passed me a copy I now have, in a notebook for all of this, Rua'kil Vyshaan (A new apprentice at the tower) was also very helpful and got notices written up where we can start trying to get the island to help work together with us.

A copy of Rhudeil's note:
Image



It's late.. I should rest.. I think i'll sleep with Jadoth tonight...

Actually.. That is another thing I wanted to write about.. I'm scared, about handling this whole vision thing, without Jadoth beside me.. I was able to work through Sandruck's though, he was there though from time to time, so I should be able to do this alone, I cannot depend on Jadoth forever... Right? At least I hope!

...No, that is wrong.. I want him with me.
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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Wed Sep 26, 2018 10:49 am

Alturiak 11th, 144 AR, Entry XI, Page XI:
Image

Well, this ten-day was... Interesting, to say this least. I wouldn't call it bad, though... Well sorta ended off kinda on the more bad leaning side of thing,s but not bad enough to ruin a day.

Started off alright, found out Igogh and Eirik are getting married! no date, but I am happy for them~ They deserve it, they've gone through a lot, and deserve some happiness.

I was then called to help a free'ed slave in Guldorand, it was Finn, and Doe was making it hard for me, and I still don't understand why? I mean I got she was being protective and all since he's her adoptive son and all, but this was just a bit.. Over the top? Unnecessary?.. Yeah that is the word I want, Unnecessary, like she hated me or something, despite us barely interacting?

Maybe it was the whole mess with Tera, like I get what they where trying to do, but my gods, there was a line that needed to be drawn, and we drew ours, and Tera constantly back flipped over it, over and over and over and over again. We have rules like that in the tower for a reason, we also gave her over four warnings.. But that is getting into ranting territory. (Wait, why do I care? this is my journal, I can rant in it if I want.)

I think we spent a number of hours in that mind-walk, trying to help him, I don't think Doe got that, this wasn't a magical affliction, but more a break down of someones mind, when they are finely broken as a slave, all will, and free thinking is erased, their made to believe their masters, or as I like to call them, by what they really are, CAPTURES, are the only ones that love them, that care for them, and protect them... That they are nothing more then a pet, a plaything, a toy, and just.. break down into angry, submissive people that last out at what they can due to lack of control.

it's like I keep saying: "This is how you get liches" Why? Because when a mage's mind is broken, normally, bad stuff happens, like lichdom, powerful-insane mages that burn villages, raise cities, destroy realms, so forth and so on.. So it's kinda important to be aware of mental injuries like that, and that they need healing too.

Anyway, I digress, I manged to use that "phantom"'s dismissal of me being a failure to my advantage, and took one those crystals of the painful memories that made him, to Finn's core aspect, and reminded him, pain is part of living, it's not okay these things happen, that it's okay to be angry, upset, vengeful even, and want to lash out because of it, and the best thing to do, is to acknowledge those feelings, that they where valid, and that yes, they may never go away, but that it's up to him to control how he does such, and to not let that pain control his life.

I learned that from Jadoth... and dammit, I am proud of that. I don't think he'll ever understand, that by what he's taught me, I've been able to help others thanks to it, but.. I'm extremely grateful for it.

Anyway, Finn will be catatonic for a few days, while his mind rebuilds itself, at least it will be his discussion to choose who he'll want to be, no weird aspect of hate, fear, abuse, and pain controlling it. (That said, he'll still need a lot of therapy and support from others around him, all I did with Doe, is ensure he didn't fall completely off the wagon, and choke someone to death..Mind walking isn't a one-way fix all, after all.)

I then went back to the tower, and found and talked to Rann, he apparently also had the vision only.. for some reason, his was in cordor... Which is really freaking weird, since he's exiled from Cordor! He's also apparently the only person to have the exact same vision, only in a different place... Why? Why did the vision choose him, for that...? Is there something special about Rann that we need to keep an eye on for this? (Also Even a blood thirsty ghost knows he's innocent in all that Drama with Qasi and Wylanna.. I'm genuinely not sure how to feel about this.)

He told me of his vision, and I put it into ink, and will be making a copy of it for my notebook when I wake next ten-day, for now I leave the draft here in my journal (I also put it in print where people can actually read my hand-...Magic? writing):


Draft Transcription of Rann's Vision:
Image


..In re-reading the paper, I realized there is a detail I missed, that I should of asked Rann about, he saw the Cordorian QUEENS, in his vision, first of all, there is only one queen, the only other queens I imagine he saw, where the other candidates from when the king was hunting for a Queen, and he I believe, came to island at the tail end of that...Acttualy I don't think he knows about, any of that! I'll need to ask him when I wake... This only makes me wonder more about Rann's role in this.

Anyway, I hadn't told them, but Rhudeil had given me more information, and it was not good...


Copy of Rhudeil's Second Note:
Image


It does give us some sort of lead on how to stop this but... Erk, I know for a fact how rare priestesses and priests are on the island, not to mention the all freaking HAAAAATE each other... Like hell are we going to get Snow and Vance of all people to work together, hell's it would be painful to even get Jadoth of all people to be.. Priestly, for a few hours. (He's a favored soul, not a priest, but he will act like one occasionally, when needed.. When needed.) Know this is assuming that turns out not to be a false lead, and instead sacrifices everyone to some eldrich god.. Knowing our luck, it would be a Eldrich god. (Still waiting for that one Drow Eldrich God to get back at me, for telling him shut up... So I probably shouldn't tempt that.)

After getting through all of that, I actually did a.. Teacher, thing, I'd realized this was likely Rann's first vision as a Diviner, one hell of a one at that, and helped him through understanding what he'll likely go through... I... This is why I became an Archmage, Rann is my student, not just my friend, and I want him to know what he's getting into, and to be safe in practicing such.

I showed him and Emelina the School's of Magic Pillars in the Tower Apex-Prayer Room... Specifically, the Divination one first. Hearing him saying they all read about things he truly came to believe, while being at the Tower, really made me happy, and proud of how things had changed for him, despite all the awful things that had happen to him.

Aaand then I got a message from Igogh and Eirik to meet in the foyer.. Only to find out it was about that damn Faegwynn Ravencrest drama that had been going on all tenday. She'd been captured by pirates, and after i'd conjured her at the tower, had accepted a conjuring BACK to them.. Needless to say I was not... No in-fact I am still not, happy about that... They'ed gotten her back, but had been waiting for Mach to get a loan to be able to buy her freedom, since she didn't have a name on her collar yet.

So far an hour of fiddling around, I said pike it, and took 500,000 of my own gold, and hopped to the sibayad docks, where she proceeded to reject my summons 3 times... (Which ticked me off even further.) until I finely got her... We finely got her over and free'ed, where I proceed to find out, once back at the Tower, that she apparently has NO CONCEPT OR IDEA, about what she had gotten into, and still doesn't!

I also don't think she realizes I just drained my bank account to 400,000 or less due to that! I mean I am not in trouble of falling behind rent on my shop or room in the tower anytime soon, but come on! Uhg....I guess it's better I'm spending my gold then hoarding it.... Anyway, I hope Mach beats into her just what kind of serious trouble she was in, and just how bad that could of been.. You know, if he doesn't kill himself first.. He was in a pretty bad mental and emotional state from what I could tell from the aura around him I could see, and feel. (As much of a Hero-complex idiot he is, he is a friend and I don't want him dead...I've lost enough people.)

I also informed Mach, that he and the frostblade's do not need to pay me back for such... I'm just glad she's free, and that they need to teach her.. Uhg, it's going to hurt making all that back, and I prooobably shouldn't tell Jadoth I dropped that much money on an idiot like that... Wait, flip, he's definitely going to find out at some point about that, dammit.

After that, Rann, Emelina and Cedric made me cry a little! Jerks!... But seriously, it was a nice one, we where talking about Hero-complex, and while it's okay to want to be one, one shouldn't purposely seek out trouble, and get others hurt because of it, and to have a healthy sense of reality.. Cedric had mentioned how he wanted to be one, and that.. he looked up to ME and that I was his hero... Eheheh still makes me tear up a bit, thinking about it.

Cedric's Words where:
You keep trying every single day to make the world around you just a little bit better. You advocate for knowledge and do what you want to do. You make people happy and just now you've proven once again your overwhelming compassion.


And then Rann added onto it:
And you do it without expectation of reward or recognition.


Followed by Emelina:
You stood up for us, offered us a place to stay when we had nowhere else to go. Oh, you're definitely a hero.


We also all agree'ed, that while Jadoth's version of a Hero is skewed, and pessimistic, it's not exactly wrong, nor unrealistic, but he is a hero in his own right, but not for what he thinks, or what normal people would think of, for a "Hero"... I guess a "Hero" is another one of those concepts, that is different from person to person.

...Things.. are looking up, that, or I've changed, I feel like I actually can stand up to, and or more confidant in trying to fix the problems presented to me... I know now for a fact I am no longer the mousy person I once was when I came to the island, scared to speak up, sure I'm still.. Broken? in a sense, but I've also healed enough to start fighting back again. (I wonder if Jadoth's noticed it yet too, as he did used to say, I had no fire, what he described as a instinct to live.)

It's late now.. I've spent a number of hours putting this entry together, while everything was still fresh in my head, I should join Jadoth, The Elflings, and the Cats, in sleep.

Note to Self: Ask Cedric if he was serious about that autograph thing, I couldn't tell if he was hamming it up, or being genuine.
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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Thu Sep 27, 2018 9:40 am

Alturiak 23rd, 144 AR, Entry XII, Page XII:
Image

The Tenday started off... Worrying, I was talking to Emelina when I went to read the board, and found the note Garrett had left, I needed to find him, talk to him, and calm him down, by how erratic his note was, I can tell this was, Much like Rann, his first vision that he has remembered... I should Likely hold a lecture, for beginning Diviners, it seems many are suffering for this being their first vision, and not knowing how to deal with such, and did not expect such to come of the school of Divination.

On Garrets note, I took the time to transcribe it, clean it up, and re-draw what he had, to get a better idea of what exactly he was doing, I'll be keeping that in my journal, while saving a copy to the notebook i have for this situation.


Transcription of Garret's Note:
Image


The day went mostly well after that, it wasn't till the lecture, when there was problems with bandits at Castle Gloom at the swamps, and likely harassing Mach. I scried them, and we gave chase from the tower to the forest of despair. I slightly got left behind, but once I'd cough up, Combat had already started, and so, I conjured my Golden friend to help in aiding my friends.. Krotag, the Orge there, went after me and of course easily felled me... They even felled Thulk, which has everyone surprised.

"Don't fight the Underdark."

Time and time again I am killed..

"Don't fight the Underdark."

Time and time again Jadoth says it..

"Don't fight the Underdark."

It's not because I don't want to listen to him...

"Don't fight the Underdark."

It's because I WANT to fight, I want to protect people..Not because I want to die!

"Don't fight the Underdark."

I want to do it where he doesn't have to, least not alone.

"Don't fight the Underdark."

Because I want those who've hurt others to finely pay for what they've done!

"Don't fight the Underdark."

But I know why he says it, he really does believe the underdark can't be defeated, that it's impossible, nothing more then a suicide mission, and that people should stop and something else... I... I... It leaves me unsure how.. WHAT I should do in situations like this.

I'm not strong like those I keep falling too.... I feel like I am nothing more then a burden to my alies, and getting in their way.. not to mention, I am a valuable target; I am very lucky, hadn't Emelina not gotten me before they did, I'd likely been clamped in some manor, or held as ransom, (There is a reason I call myself the Mage of Luck and Stars.) from what Emelina told me, how none the others they saw as valuable, but they wanted me specifically. (On that thought, how did they know who I was? I never met any of those people before-- Wait that is a stupid question, a really stupid question, like... a reaaally, really stupid question, an Arcane casting Wood Elf in purple.. I sort of stick out like a sore thumb.)

I know he has nightmares... Nightmares of me being captured and sacrificed by the Drow...I know, I was directly watching it once...

"I would of fought the entirety of the Underdark, just to get to you..."
"I almost did fight the entirety of the underdark, to get too you!"

...I need to stop, last thing he needs is for me to get captured or something worse happens.

I got to hang out with Emelina a lot afterwards, she and Xun'Sali where the real M.V.P's in that whole mess. I like Emelina, she's definitely a sister type, very smart too I can see why Rann likes her~ Ah she also helped correct a few things with Ran's vision, it wasn't the Queens, he saw, but the Queenies, the street gang that dominates Cordor's streets, that helped in the plagues.

...After it all, I was finely able to talk to Garrett, hopefully I was able to calm some of his fears, allow him some sort of peace of mind to try and sleep some, definitely looks like he's not slept in days, since had that vision, he also confirmed such, since he keeps seeing the hounds from it.

Emelina even helped Gerrett some with his faith troubles... I'm very proud of how far she's come since her slave days... I really do hope the other Archmages, and Thulk, take my suggestion for her as a senior warden seriously, she's been here a short time still, but she's more then proven her worth, specially in helping with paperwork~

Ah! I also saw Sheng today! He came back! I'm really, really, REALLY happy to see him! I can't wait to finally get a chance to properly speak with him, hopefully sometime next ten-day when I wake.

I also got more notes regarding this mass vision incident, form more people that had it... I need to find more leads, I need to find... I need to find the truth of this situation, learn what I can do to help..

P.S: Ahhh flip, I forgot to take that book out of my shop, I'll need to do that when I wake up, doubt anyone will buy it for 50,000.

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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Fri Sep 28, 2018 10:11 am

Ches 3rd, 144 AR, Entry XIII, Page XIII:
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It's been a rather quite tenday, all things considered, mostly did work in the Apex, compiled all of Kalika's herbology into a book instead of that board.. That board is a right mess, I'll have to figure how to archive the rest of those, since their just a bunch of messages to her regarding things.. Also some how there is a message form Seel'Melaa on that board to the conclave... How the hells did that end up there?

Managed to clean up the Apex chest a bit, got a new gem pouch for it.. Hopefully THIS TIME someone doesn't steal it, made sure it was properly marked....I can thank Rua'kil and Emelina for it, I should get them some pay for their work.. Even if they do sort of, play it off as it being fine.

On that note...Faegwynn Ravencrest came and spoke with me, and.. sorta forcefully payed back some what I spent to save her, despite I kept telling her it's okay, and she didn't have to, but insisted, one hand I am glad, on the other, It feels...dirty. I don't believe in a price for someones life, or their freedom, slavery is a horrid, monsterus act, and anyone who campaigns for it, is benefiting off it, and justifying their gross abuse of another person and life...

To those people, I hope they die the most painful, drawn out, brutal deaths possible, with the realization of just how disgusting they are... People like that are nothing more then a waste of air and flesh.... It's a satisfying thought, specially with the thought of inflecting it myself.. But I know better, I know it's not realistic, nor would I ever be able to do such.. But my gods does the thought help relieve some anger.

I also agree with Jadoth's notion of being in debt to someone, you should have to owe someone, specially with something like this, that is just... Asking for trouble, my anxiety about it before was pretty bad, but coming to this island has made it ten-times worse with how people can be.

On the note of Jadoth actually... I've been thinking about getting some small silver charms for my glasses chain, of the gods I follow, being my goddess, Sehanine Moonbow (Primarily), Mystra, Labelas Enoreth, and Ilmater... Nothing grand standing though, something small I can easily hide, since... Religion is one those things that can get you shot around here, that and I'm not very preachy out-in-the-open about it.

I'll need to think about it, maybe a charm bracelet under my gauntlet?... No I do want it to sort of be visible.

Ah I also got to talk to Luelle and Sei more, Luelle I actually helped more with her divination, because it turns out she's just starting, still can't really read the Deck of Stars, she might actually join the tower... I do have a good feeling about her, and course Sei made me laugh again~ best pretend-healer-bard.

I should head to bed, Starlight's mewing for me to come join her in bed.
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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Sat Sep 29, 2018 11:25 am

Ches 13th, 144 AR, Entry XIV, Page XIV:
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Another quite day, as I sit here a crossed from Emelina, writing, she told me another detail Rann forgot to mention, about his vision, the stars where apparently "Dripping from the heavens" I assume that means falling / shooting stars?... Rann so far is still the only one to have had it set in cordor.. Me and Luelle are still the only ones to have lived in ours.. What ever is happening will be happening next month, and that gap is swiftly closing and I still have no new details.

Sei mentioned a shadow of sorts, hunting the horsemen, being in Shadow Cordor where Myon's castle gloom leads out.. I doubt it's still there but I'll need to look.

Another Idea I am thinking about, is re-having my vision, only with Rann, and Garrett beside me, course some ritual runes to help, but I am wondering, if me having it with Luelle was fluke, or if that is the uniqueid of my version of the vision, being able to pull others into mine, or being able to experience another persons vision... I'll need to ask Rann.

Uuuhg, I just had to storm up to the apex, Rhudeil has continued to harass me about that damn stream book in my shop, Where the hells does he think he can get off on policing My or any of the rest of the tower's, shops, or what we sell? I should of told him right off he has no authority over the shops, much like we don't, and has no right to tell anyone who to sell what and to pike off... No, that is exactly what I am going to tell him next time, I don't know him, and he shouldn't be trying to enforce his beliefs on me, I'm not going to allow him control me, nor am I going to let him step all over me.

Anyway... Most of the day was quite, talked to a weird Elf about Nym.. He's apparently Myon's judge? It was really hard for me to understand him, I hope he didn't take offence.. Apparently some elf named Zanzan was hunting him? That.. that makes me worried for him, I really hope he doesn't get hurt... Uhhg and I didn't' get a chance to speak with him, cause I had to do my duties as a Hawkin' and ask him to leave the front of Bendir's gates.

Got to talk with Jadoth today, with Mana at that. (I also got a hug form Jadoth, Yay~) I got him to try his new helm, It works~ his ears are comfortable and now wont chafe badly against the metal.. The whole conversation got me thinking, but I don't think Jadoth's ever had a friend who.. Just made things for him, out just wanting to make him smile, or just genuine gifts, he seemed happy to hear I just liked making things for my friends, with all the thought I put into them, just to make them happy, and see them smile.

I also got to talking to Emelina about Familiars, she seems interested in the Spellsword art, something SHE wants to do, instead of doing what she was told to do, I like it, and now her attending lectures makes sense. I look forward to see how she grows... We also talked a lot about Divination.

We also talked about their cat, Minex, who's still in Cordor, in that house that was ripped away from them... And how, often, I wonder just how hard it would be to find a cat that looks similar, and swap out the two, and bring her back to the two...Personally, if anything, if that was the one good thing that came out of this mess, that I could get back to them, that would make me happy.

We also got to talking about Kalyin, and our pasts here on this island.... Was never sure how to feel about that young Drow, he always gave me mixed signals, I mean yes, he's a Drow, he dated Vance, he did bad things... Still very odd to know some of the.. Mmm Humanizing? aspects of him, like with Vance, before he finely tumbled off the deep end, with what Apyri..

...I still feel awful we never told Quentin Vale, she was actually a cyrcist, and offered herself up to Vance as a sacrifice, because she really had fallen in love with Quentin.. It makes sense, I'd seen how erratically she behaved, I seen how she treated Nehala like crude... How she even treated me like crude. I hate that woman.. I hate that woman with every fiber with my being and I'm glad she's dead.

I just wish.. She'd not destroyed four peoples lives in the processes of doing so--

*There are some scribbles like she was interrupted*

Well, that just happen, Quintino Visconti, Cordor's chansoller came to the apex as I was writing this, and asked for help, and told me a few things that maybe connected to this Vision quest.. Apparently a couple of tendays ago foul stench rose to the Fool's Clover. they tracked it down to the storage facilities below, the vault that belongs to Lyra Mirthal, is where the stink is coming from, where Quintino and crew where unable to get in, but he was able to open the door enough to see a mysterious pile covered by a sheet inside, he believe they may be corpses.

He also agrees, Rann is a very important key to this whole quest... I also brought up how I may need to take Emelina and Rann into Cordor given all this... Emelina as a warden for me and Rann's protection, Rann because he is important to this.. In all this I was also able to scribe what Quintino needed, paperwork, about Emelina's side.

This is not how I expected to resolve this.. But dammit, I am taking it.
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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Sun Sep 30, 2018 9:09 am

Ches 24th, 144 AR, Entry XV, Page XV:
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Ghestaldt Blimth has died... I am.. sad.. He..I didn't get to say goodbye.


From what I am told, he died happily though, he fell asleep during his 20th anniversary of ruling, and just.. Didn't wake up... I wonder if he got to use the memory stone I made for him, if it's even found... I'll need to check next tenday, head up and hang around brog...I just.. hope he got too use it.

I'm also running out of time.. Next month is upon us next tenday... I need to also be in cordor, to help deal with what my come, I need to be sure everyone knows to speedy me if something happens..

There is just so much I need to do, so many people depending on me.. I can't fail, I cannot let them down, I need to keep moving... I need to have faith, they also need to have faith.

There where two strange notes on cordor's board, that I am unsure are related to the visions we diviners had, they where dated 199 AR, Eleasis 7th, and 122 AR, Eleint 7th, respectfully.. oddly out of order, people think it maybe a prank, specially given I recognize the Nefzen surname on one the notes, I'd not be surprised honestly, but still, I will make notes of them.

I also ran into Helen, who was acting, rather surprisingly, out of what I'd come to know of her, acting like my, and half the gods damned islands, vision was nothing more then a silly stupid retarded ~nightmare~ peh.. I don't have time to educate morons that not only don't want to learn, or listen, and just wish to keep their heads up their arses to be right for prides sake... So, I told her my thoughts exactly.


"Fine, die, I don't care."

If she wants to not take this seriously, and act like we diviners are just some super-superstitious people, despite time and time again we're proven not to be making this stuff up, then fine, she made her choice, her life is forfeit, survive of the fittest after all, let mother Toril weed out the stupid.
While I am angry at Helen, I will continue to try, as Quintino asked, I don't think Helen's part of Cordor anymore, anyways.

...I also got to talk to someone I've missed, someone I told I'd still be sitting here, waiting for them, like i'd told myself, that I'd do for Jadoth, if people had pushed him to far into joining Vance...

It's hard to keep writing.... There just been so much pain I've been keeping down, that just wont go away, i'm lonely.. I'm tired, everything feels cold.. But I know i need to keep going no matter how hard I cry my eyes out, or say I'm going to give up and then don't..I wan't to help people, I want to keep marching forward to keep being that hope for people... But how long tell I end up Destroying myself?

For every up, there is a down...

I'm going to sleep with Jadoth tonight.. I don't want to be alone..

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Re: Journal of a lost locked star.

Post by Atlantahammy » Mon Oct 01, 2018 10:07 am

Tarsakh 6th, 144 AR, Entry XVI, Page XVI:
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The ten-day started well enough, I went to Brog first, help tend to the Memorystone, that Falgrim didn't know of, Buppi had it, and was the diviner to use it, while I am slightly sadden I didn't get to use my own work, I am however, very glad to have seen it worked, and allow everyone some sort of peace...

I stood with them on the mountain, and called out Ghestaldt's name.. I think Falgrim is also to be their next Thane, which I am happy to know, Falgrim would make a great leader, specially with his time as Ghestaldt's right-hand.

I spent some time in Cordor after that, trying to look for clues to that vision, nothing... Absolutely nothing... After which I went back to the tower and poke with people there. (Thank gods, seemed people realized I put the wrong date on the Hinnish lecture notices, which I ironically finally became fluent in this tenday, Thank you Shadow~)

After that I went back to the tower to relax, where I started talking with a number of people, when someone came out and mentioned something was happening outside the Tower? where I went after being joined by a number of people to find a Cordorian scribe, (Who I later found out, was named Asthur Larwick, who went to Candle Keep, much like I did! It's nice to meet other people from candle keep.. well, sides Katie Popkins...) a battle mage, a child, and some others out there, who where getting ready to witness a...Apparently.. early, falling star event.

Apparently this event only happens every 300 years, and it was 130 years too early, Asthur had also realized, one of the magehounds also came out respectfully worried, and I instructed her to ensure the tower was locked down to ensure we didn't lose any wards, me and Emelina went about warding the festival area sneakily, not to cause a panic, and I taught a bit about adjuration and the importance of accuracy in rune painting, in the processes.

Jadoth also helped in powering me with the Ritual, Mord also did great, even though i said nothing aloud to him. (I feel bad about that.)

I'm.. not exactly how well that ritual worked... as once night fell, Green and blue (?) stars started falling from the sky with the normal silvery ones.. I'm glad I made a wish on one of the normal ones. (I wished for our protection.) and then the horsemen and hound specters came, nearly slaughtering a number of people, Conlan was badly hurt, killed even, I couldn't get the flipper to sit down afterwards though.

I'd also been badly hurt, nearly died even, but my Golden friend helped protect me, and Jadoth and Con got me patched up... I'm still coughing up blood though, given not a lot, so it's likely something left over, and nothing to worry about.

People ran and checked Cordor, due to the relevance with Rann's vision, which we now think may happen at a different time, due to his being a few days after the rest of ours.

A elven woman also stumbled into the tower, badly hurt, I attempted to tend to her wounds, binding them at least till Jadoth arrived, however things got worse when he did... The woman's Bond mate was killed.. I assume by a stomach wound by how she held it, and started spewing blood... Jadoth was able to save her with a greater restoration but.. She passed out, I had the magehounds move her to a safer room to rest, it's clear she'll be out for a few ten-days, at least she's alive...

While Elven bonding is a beautiful thing... Something special... But even we elves realize how dangerous is actuality is, and why I'll never openly advertise it, explain, yes, where my children don't have a accident and get hurt or worse because of it, but advise against doing so...

For if they lose their mate, they too could also die from it, or if their mate betrays them? they could become a banshee (Female) or a allip (Male)...Not to mention a broken heart like that, is a actual physical ailment for us, an actual wound, one that takes over 100 years to heal...

It's why, I will never bond with anyone, not even with... I'd never want to drag him down with me, if we didn't want to live without each other, I want him to have the choice to keep living, if anything happen to me.. and I assume he would want the same of me, if anything happen to me.

Anyway, I also recognize her outfit, she's part of Myon's Auxiliary unit, logistics specifically, given my time as a Trade minister for Myon, i recognized it easily..... I'll need to message Clea about her, later.. In thinking about it, I don't have her name yet.

After that, I got to talking to Asthur, and he informed me this is a Event known as the "Weeping Night" or "Weeping Nights" not sure which is wihch, but I think "Nights" is correct.

Then after circle time, explaining to Amadeo and some others what was going on, I lastly talked with Sei, (Also I really flipping love Sei, he knows how to be the most perfect sarcastic and funny arse I've met, who manages to be funny without sacrificing realism or seriousness of the situation, he's also extremely smart, definitely helps brighten the doom-and-gloom from this island, I hope he never stops shining, cause damn, he's right, this island is way to depressing.) and he's on the same worrying page as me.

These.. ghosts, these horsmen, the prophecy Rhudeil, we're getting very uneasy vibes, that these maybe related to the Elder Evil's (Specifically Nihal and Khirad, mostly Nihal though..) and if we're right, We. Are. So. Piking. Screwed.

Reason we think Nihal more, is due to how they are known to send down agents to Toril, the Serpents of Nihal, to feed on living things so Nihal could sate its hunger... Which this sounds a lot like, plus what Asthur said about how this event was used by Mages in the past, before the weave was properly settled, to cast incredibly powerful spells and preform rituals of the same calibure...Not to mention the hags mention of them being older then Cyric and Bane.. Least I assume the "New Tyrant" is a reference to Bane.

Before I dragged my damaged corpse up here for sleep, I met Myla Hawke! Jorian Hawk or "Commander Dad" daughter! and Jadoth's sort of, actual, little sister, since Jadoth considered Jorian the closest thing he actually had to a Father, I cannot wait to tell him she's on the island.. That or it will completely mortify him, since he's known her since birth.

I think i'm mostly happy, since Jadoth would be able to send letters to Jorian, and get some back, since he'd now know where they live.. Anyway, Myla, she's a cleric of Tyr / Torm, she may join the tower, which I am sort of hoping for.

Mach tried to introduce me as Jadoth's sister.. but I corrected and said partner, and best friend, since that is what we are, we work together, fight together, do our work and jobs together, etc... Least I hope he see's me as his best friend, or else this may get weird.

I slightly wonder how he would react to me... Being more.. erm, "Charismatic" given that would be one hard of a hell act to pull off.. Eh, they likely wouldn't notice.. I don't think they've noticed I've grown my hair out considerably ether, I mean sure it was something I did to get their attention, but I... actually like it. bit heavy though, and flipping eats so much conditioner and shampoo.

Anyway, I should rest....

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