The journal's cover is a rich shade of purple, a silver moon, holding a five point diamond shaped purple gem, bordered in the same silver sits in the center with the name of the owner written above in rather swirly silver colored text, "Astra Starlock" it reads.
A silver lock also holds this book closed, the edges are bordered in silver as well. Purple book mark, with a silver star on it, hangs between the pages... There seems to be a faint glitter about the cover as well, the texture feels a little rough from what ever is embedded in the cover to allow that glitter.
While it looks like any thick, hard cover book, opening reveals it's been enchanted, to not only be light weight, but to have endless pages, when one is filled, another appears in the back, it's a wonder how the binding doesn't break.
It also appears all the text, is written neatly in a purple colored ink against the tea stained colored paper, each page is dated, and numbed as well
Well, I deiced to get myself a journal, specially given it was the advice given to Seel'Melaa... Thought It would be best for me to have one as well since I.. don't speak my mind often, and often just express myself through drawing, but my past year here has left me with a lot of lingering thoughts that.. Wont leave, even if I draw them out...
At some point after I write this extremely long entry, I'll dedicate the next pages in the back to people I know, even if I end up writing them in all different places in here, I'll reorganize them and put them in their proper place in the back...
Anyway, I came here on the 10th month on the 20th, in 133AR, right in what I would call the desperate and violent death throws of something that has been called the "Illusion wars" or the "Spriggin Wars"... Just about every Tenday we where constantly assaulted by them without rest.. Made my first year on this island a bit of a hell...
I fear I have-- No, I do have lingering trauma from it all, that merely feeds the problems I already have... Specially when I am up in the warden's hall, I can't relax while up there, I still fear Drow assassins, and bounty hunters will try and bust in the door without a moments notice, every time I hear someone knock on that door.
Seeing Seel'Melaa, killed twice, once by a man named Bendhardt, and again by Fe'dath Merladiel... in such close proximity has...Also left me with a a fair bit of trauma, as well as a deep seeded distrust of the two... I'm terrified to be in the same area as the two of them when I have to be...Here I thought I was incapable of holding grudges for longer then two months.
Them and Vienxay Starlight, but eeeeveryone wants to punch Vienxay, I really hope I'm there when someone does, cause my gods, she's bad and throws insults around so freely that they have started to loose all meaning.
Not everything was bad in 134AR though... I did meet my friend, Jadoth, and boyfriend, Seel'Melaa, (then known as Yorn) officially, after seeing them in the foyer once or twice before, a month or so before I officially met them, when Jadoth had been...Captured.
135AR hasn't been too bad, nothing compared to hells we went through with the spriggins... however, between what is going on with Thulk, Yorn, an Jadoth; and the Cordor guard, the Ordo as they are called, making up lies about us.. I fear I will never get that permit, specially as I fear Pierce Welby, the chansoller of Cordor, has some personal slit against me, thanks to Celestia Merlin, Lilly Blake, Thazar Ur, and Ryth Ellaniar making up lies about me... It may just be my "paranoia" acting up again though..
Lily does seem to be on better terms with me, specially after the talk Lissa and Jacob had with the both of us separately...Specially after her and Celestia Merlin, had a falling out, I... Do want a chance to talk to her sometime, when she's not busy of course.
Other things that have been on my mind, are the drow raiding parties that come up form stonehold, and the things Jadoth has told me... Blunt, but they are not wrong, and I know he says them because he cares, he cares a lot, despite how he tries to play it off otherwise... He is definitely a very good, caring, kind hearted person, despite trying to make himself believe he isn't..Least that is what I get when he says he's retired and shouldn't care.
I don't think what he says is wrong though... I fear what would happen if I ended up collared... For I am very submissive, taught to not speak unless spoke too, too fall in line and not to question what superiors tell me...Unless I want to face physical backlash... I'm glad I have the tower, Jadoth, and Seel as people who'll come for me, should that happen.. I trust them, despite all the discord and miscommunication that has been going on recently.
I also keep putting off my Thesis, it's been almost two years, and I am still a apprentice, but with the threats of Jadoth or Seel being removed I....hesitate, I don't want to get some place then just have to leave because... uhg. I'm also procrastinating because I don't know what to write about..
Things.. things also like to come up at bad times, but I can't just... stop them from coming up at bad times, and try to take as much stress as I can off Jadoth and Seel best I can to help but..
Like my talk with the archmages and them went an hour or more ago, I lock up, I think i'm going to make things worse, that I'm not helping... I wish.. I wish I could stop from feeling like that, and stop second guessing myself, and that the feeling would just go away that makes me unable to speak.
I hate myself for that... I hate myself for being a coward, I hate myself for being a stupid broken lazy sack of s--
No I shouldn't self deprecate here, I should stop writing for now...
Specially now that Jacob, Thulk, Angela, Jadoth and Seel'Melaa...
I also should not share this with Seel'Melaa, I worry how bad it might get taken... Might just be being paranoid again.
Jadoth Dawnfire (Jad, Jaddy)
Sun Elf | Birthdate: Unknown | Male.
Jadoth is... Jadoth, there is no other way to explain him...Well there is, but it sounds harsh.. He's broken, like, broken as in someone who cares too much, and has been severely taken advantage of... With all trust being broken... He needs some down time to just.. relax without trying to help, and just allow himself to heal...
It's hard not to see him as a close friend, or a brother, despite he sometimes does dumb things, but I understand where they come from, their just how he knows how to deal with things, just like me... He's also someone really close to Seel, sometimes I swear it's like a match to see who can out care for the other.
I want to help him, I want to tell him it will be okay, that things will get better, and there is always a light at the end, but he's been here longer then me, suffered more then me, and I know that is.. just not how reality works... I want him to feel safe with me and be someone he can talk to though, even if it's all I can do... Just, be someone who can make his day a bit better.
Moon Elf | Birthdate: Unknown | Male.
My boyfriend, and another friend of mine, He's.. also very broken, getting there, but still broken, he's made a lot of leaps and strides since i met him in 134, but he's still... Needs help, I've taught him how to read, and right, and made a quill to help him with writing reports for the hawkin' and the Wardens, I really am proud of how far he's come.
I love him, and I hope he realizes this, despite how.... Socially inept I am... I try to express it.. but I feel it comes out wrong and just.. comes off creepy... Or just coming off as just saying words to try and be dismissive... He's also someone I want to try and cheer up when everything has gone so horribly wrong, but I just..
I admit there are days I want to whack him, specially when I realize issues come up at the worst times, but I know better, and that is just part of being in a relationship, and he's allowed to feel those things, specially with how he's still learning how to have those emotions... So I cannot be made at him, and it doesn't make me love him any less.
Human...? | Birthdate: Unknown | Male.
Lead Archmage of the Tower, and Angela's boyfriend, from what I gather, he's also pretty much Jadoth's adoptive father figure, one of the few people I've seen him actually completely listen too...Though I do sometimes wonder if Jacob realizes this... Though he does seem to very much be the father figure of the tower and the students.
He's a very nice person, definitely someone we can feel safe around... Its also interesting the things he's figured out how to do with Necromancy, definitely takes the "The the magic isn't whats evil, it is the person that uses it" ideal to heart.
Half-Elf | Birthdate: Unknown | Male.
One of the Master's here at the tower, quite funny, first time I met him, he was in the apex being threatened by the Raident Heart, wasn't long after I joined the tower too, and thought him arrogant, but more I listened to him talk, more he began to remind me of my previous Master... Smart, proud of his work, sassy, grumpy, (given to a lesser extent) and a bit of a drama queen...
Given he does more dumb things then my master did, but, I.. can't find the will to see him totally stupid, and still trust him, specially after the dragon ritual incident... I hope he returns soon.. Where I can show him how much I've grown, and be thought by him, with Jadoth...
Maybe even return his the Deck of the Star's he'd given me, to him.. I've kept them in good Shape, despite using them, for when he returns.
Elf| Birthdate: Unknown | Female.
She seems to pretty much be Arelith's main and only doctor, while Jacob is one of her surgeons.. They so need help. She was one of the first people, with her fiancé, Lacroix, that I had met on the island. She also gave me my first Deck of the Stars, and showed me around a bit, getting the Myon portal...
She also seems to somewhat be one of Jadoth's mother figures, definitely seems very nice~ ...I wish she was able to come around more... I dunno but I get the feeling I've seen her somewhere, but knowing my memory it's likely wrong, and I am mistaking her for someone else.
Pictures coming soon.