The Path To Atonement

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The Path To Atonement

Postby Eters » Tue Oct 03, 2017 10:07 pm

It all begin with acceptance, and yet, it is common knowledge that the first step is always the hardest to make, and here I stand, yet again crippled, unable to make that step, My darkness haunts me, It takes the image of my past self, to remind me of the sins I can't escape, I loathe you, Oh darkness of mine.

Here I am, bound in chains, and infront of me, is what seems to be a pacted man, he claims he can save me from my darkness, but can he really? and, why I'm I in chains....My body shudders as he starts weaving eldrich magic before me, oh here it is, I want to kill him, I can see why I'm chained now, my darkness asks for blood... I have a deep hatred for those pacted with fiends, but this one claims he is pacted to the fey, he said he paid the price already for his power, but does he really understand what it means to pay for the power you have? Oh, his magic is beautiful, it's sparkly and forms beautiful lines, his eyes blaze with lightning, and I'm losing consiousness, I'm I dying? But I feel no pain, I must retiliate, I must kill him...kill him....kill him.

Here I am, bound in chains, and infront of me, is my darkness, she takes the image of my past self, to remind me of the sins I can't escape, I loathe you, oh darkness of mine.

It's dark in here, and I see a white light in the distance, my darkness smiles coldly to me, then turns her back on me, I try to reach for her, but alas, I am bound in chains I can't see, my darkness speaks, to someone with blazing eyes, they speak and speak, and she drew her sword, my darkness will kill that man, as she has killed many before him, she lusts for blood, and lives for death, Ironic, as we both are still alive, or a we?

The pacted man weaves chains to bind my darkness, he is actually trying, she smiles, laughts and roars histerically as she flails, she's enjoying the challenge, she's enjoying the battle, and so is he, I just want to be with the one I love, why I'm I still here?

I see a desert in the night, my chains are gone, and so is the warlock, was he never there to begin with? A sword at my feet, I take it, my darkness is infront of me, it's just me and her, in this dark desert, she takes the image of my past to remind me of the sins I can't escape, I will kill you today, oh darkness of mine.

How many days are we doing this? She fights like me, yet not one drop of blood is on me, unusual knowing how bad I am at swordplay, and so is she, we match, and thought my desire to kill her is there, and her desire to kill me is there, it is as if we're dancing, our movements flow well together, as if there was no killing intent behind them...and we dance and we dance, and the sound of colliding steel is our melody, the sparks that draw from it are our festive lights, oh we're dancing, but soon this dance will end.

It didn't end, I'm still fighting my darkness, she takes the image of my past to remind me of the sins I can't escape, I feel like we've been here before, did we? It's an endless circle, I want to see the one I love...I miss her, I can't recall her face, and I can't recall her name, but I miss her.

A voice booms in the nightly desert..."Why are you fighting the one that quells your bloodlust? why do you fight the one that guides your sword? Why do you fight your strength?" Who's voice is that, it is.....familiar, but distant...My darkness makes a miss, and I disarm her, I can kill her, but my hand won't move, I do not want to kill her, I believe I can safely assume that I have lost my sanity, or perhaps this is what hell looks like, this is the punishement for the sins I have commited?...

I'm in a room, and infront of me is my darkness, she takes the image of my past to remind me of the sins I can't escape, she reminds me of who I was, and who I am, she reminds me that behind all the masks I pull infront of people, this is what I am, her bloodlust disgusts me, and yet, I know that bloodlust is my own, I loathe you, oh darkness of mine.

The warlock appears infront of us, and says "Do you still want to hurt Lay-"....His voice I can't hear, my darkness asks me to kill him, she pleads me to go with her, she doesn't let me listen to the man, Shut up, shut up shut up, let me hear the words he is saying, do I still want to hurt who?

Light shines, and memories of my present come back to me, her face, her beautiful long silky hair, her graceful body, her shiny armor, her majestic sword, her soft lips, her tender smile, it all comes back to me, she is my light, the light I've seen afar, I let myself drown in the emotion for a moment, before it fades away, I finally know who I am, and who I was, what I have done, and what I must do, who do I fight for, and who do I fight against.

I see my darkness, she takes the form of my past self to remind me of the sins I can't escape, the sins, I won't escape, the sins I will face.....

I am my darkness.
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Eters
 
Plays as: Fe'dath Merladiel (Active) , Trisha Curtis (Rolled) , Lina Armstrong (Rolled), Lyza El'Fang (Rolled)
Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2016 1:44 pm

Re: The Path To Atonement

Postby Eters » Thu Oct 12, 2017 6:18 pm

Calm Before The Storm

Here I am, in the middle of this forsakened place again, Surrounded by my good old friends, Death and agony, why I'm here again? What did I screw up again? What sins will I carry with me once more?

It all began days before today, months before this month,I finally accepted my darkness. Embraced it and made it part of me once again, thinking that it's all it took for me to get back my sanity, enough that I would give my loved one what I promised her the first day I met her, my love, my devotion and happiness. A promise I've yet to complete.

I felt fear when fighting, fear that I'd lose her, that I'd lose myself. Everyone said it's natural to feel fear. Fear is what shows you where your limits are. It's what keeps you alive. And so I believed.....I believed.....and I left my guard down...

I forgot that in me....there is a restless monster, a part of me that even if I have accepted...is not gone, merely acknowledged. By saying I am my darkness, I put myself in the illusion that I controlled it. This and that are two different things. And finally I know.....now that its too late, I know.

I was close to a woman, who said she was my knight. She said she'd shield me from my darkness, to make sure I keep my promised to my wife. A blink. And my lips touched the ones of my knight. I broke my oath to my wife. And she had failed to protect me....a blink...and here I am in the arcane tower, why I'm I in the arcane tower? Oh It's Vi let's drink some whiskey.

We're in Mayfield's inn, that heckler is so loud...a blink....and everyone died, the heckler...the actors...the spectators...everyone...

a blink

And I'm in a desert, infront of me is my darkness, she takes the image of my past to remind of the sins I can't escape...infront of me...a broken sword...I take it...and my darkness attacks, she overwhelms me, and I fall, she stabs me, and I'm gone.

a blink

I'm in a cage, I see my body move, but I can't control it...I see myself riding to Benwick, but I can't stop it..
I hear a voice in the distance, It's soft and sweet and lovely, oh how can a voice be so nice? It's singing a lullaby for me, I'm content with listening to the voice, I know It's familiar, I know it....but I don't know who's voice it is....oh the lullaby is fading away....the voice is going away, I'm alone again.

a blink

Still alone.

another blink

All alone.
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Eters
 
Plays as: Fe'dath Merladiel (Active) , Trisha Curtis (Rolled) , Lina Armstrong (Rolled), Lyza El'Fang (Rolled)
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Re: The Path To Atonement

Postby Eters » Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:03 pm

Heart Of Stone

Days have sinked into weeks, weeks sank into months, I'm exhausted, and so is my darkness, this tug of war has lasted for too long, I believe we have both grown to the agreement, that we can't live together any longer, It is time to settle this once for all.

It sounds silly doesn't it? As I'm speaking about me being unable to live with myself any longer, and yet, it is time for me to separate from my past. I've tried to accept it, embrace it, control it, guide it, dance with it, chain it, cage it, break it, and it has all failed.

I'm in the nine hells, the sound of battle is music to my ears, I stand before that mirror once again, and words keep coming back to me..."Don't go there, what you fight is just a mere illusion of yourself", "You'll just be entertainement for fiends, nothing good comes from that mirror" , "Look at it too long, and you'll lose yourself in it"....It did not matter.

Infront of me, I see my darkness, She takes the image of my past to remind me of the sins I can't escape, she feels real, tangible, I can wound her, I can harm her, I can kill her.

She draws her sword, and I draw mine, the air is heavy, and the fiends around us, they slowly moved away, I guess even a fiend knows what bloodlust feels like, I waited for this moment for too long, I dreamt of it, I will not let anyone get in my way, today I kill my darkness, and move away from my past.

I look at her, and for the first time, I speak to her, my farewells.

"Thank you for keeping me alive when survival mattered the most, but it is time for you to go, as this new life I lead is not for you, I have a family now, friends, a city to protect, a woman I love, you don't understand any of that."

My heart skips a beat, and we lung at each other.

It's all hazy memories, but It felt as if my soul was being ripped apart each times our swords collided, we fought, fought and fought,it felt like an eternity has passed, It felt as nothing else happened in that prison, there were no fiends, there was no mirrors, there was no riots, no demons and devils, just me and my darkness.

And finally, Perhaps it is the only clear memory I have, I killed her, My blade drove deep into her heart, and It felt as if that sword was driven inside mine.

Darkness, darkness, and when I wake up, I am in Myon, laying on the ground infront of the altar of the Father, everything hurts, I wonder what happened to me afterwards...I thank Corellon for the chance I was once again given and stand up.

I walk in Myon and it feels like nothing's real, I reach the Mythal and for once I do not fear going through it, is it the feeling of relief that I no longer harbor darkness in me? Could it be so simple?

I walk in the woods, and I am welcomed by a horde of ogres, I draw my blade, and that's when I feel it....

Void

A cold emptiness everytime I held my sword, everytime I swinged it, no anger, no lust, no desire, nothing, and once I sheated it away, everything would feel normal and serene once more...

I freed myself from the darkness in my heart, the perversed desires and lusts no longer chain me down, the winds in my soul no longer blow against my will, I am free.

Now I must find what to do with this freedom, until then, my heart will turn to stone everytime I hold my blade.
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Eters
 
Plays as: Fe'dath Merladiel (Active) , Trisha Curtis (Rolled) , Lina Armstrong (Rolled), Lyza El'Fang (Rolled)
Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2016 1:44 pm


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