There is a lot of info here, the speedy stuff has been well covered.
Stop. Using. Speedies. To. Emote.
Making the speedy slap someone, stare at someone angrily, or do any sort of action is abusing the system. As it was mentioned, the speedy is not your character. The same mentality applies to town criers too.
Lately, this has been the case for a lot of the tickets we've received in the last few months. When we could be running events, getting involved in the server, or playing our own PCs, we've been completely tied up sorting through massive webs of OOC. Don't get me wrong here, I love helping the community, and I like helping people step through their feelings so they can be productive again. But seeing the virtol and bullying (from everyone) is disheartening. If you feel nothing but salt and can do nothing but only spread more of it, then you might need to step back and ask yourself, "Am I still having fun? Am I fun to be around when I'm like this? What needs to change? What do I need to change in me?"
^ I do not think I could express how I feel myself better than that.
There needs to be some SERIOUS separation between IC and OOC emotions.
I know as a player how easy it is to look at situations and begin to make assumptions about -why- the other person is acting a certain way. But those assumptions are just that. They don't have all the facts. Often times what happens is Person A perceives a wrong doing, so they go and break rules trying to get back at person B. Now both people have had their days properly ruined and we have to enforce the rules.
Seeing a rule break (Or what you perceive as a rule break) and becoming a Vigilante batman style taking the rules into your own hands is not the solution.
My advice: If your character becomes so frustrating to play that it's no longer fun. ROLL. Rolling is not a bad thing. I've done this before, and it is great. Instead of beating my head against a brick wall I wrap it up and move onto something different. Shelving is also an idea, just shelve the character for a month and take some time to relax and invest into a different concept.
Advice I received when I first began as a player,
"You need to trust that the community is full of good people and have faith in your fellow players"
And the person that said that is right. As soon as I stopped assuming the worst about peoples actions things got better. It's easy with OOC friends to get caught in an echo chamber "Well we all agree they are bad!" but rarely do they have all the facts or perspective.
And I know how this works, because even when I play as a player now I think "Are they really reacting to me based on their character's choices? Or this OOC context?"
And I throw that thought out. There is no way for me to know that and I'm not going to assume the worst about the player. Ending my pre-assumptions of other characters actions no matter 'how right' I think I am immediately removes most OOC emotion tugs and lets me focus purely on what/how my character is perceiving this information.
Finnally,
Forgive and forget.
If we keep a mental tally sheet of every time a player has 'messed up' in our eyes and continually base our IC reactions based on the OOC perception of the player we're going to continue to have issues.
Like Chiliad said with these massive OOC Webs. Let's be fair, we're never going to mediate these things in a way that makes -everyone- happy. And do you think any of us want to get home from work and sit down to read a small novel of complains that go back to months if not years? Let alone try to navigate this? We'll try, for the sake of it but it's very time consuming.
As players, if you've been wronged, we can do our -best- to find solutions. But at the end of the day it is -you- who has to decide to forgive and forget and not let animosity hang on and bleed into the game. Because then you're not only tanking your own fun, but the fun of everyone around you too.
And lets be real, it's never going to perfect. We are people. The only solution is to be flexible and understanding over-all.
I hope something said here might open an eye or two and provide a different basis of mentality that someone might find useful.
I loved and I loved and I lost you... And it hurt like hell.